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[fic] A Perfect Cycle

Title: A Perfect Cycle
Genre: Friendship
Rating: T
Pairing: none
Character: Tegoshi, Yamapi, Jin, Ryo, Kame
Author: ai_happy4lucky
Summary: All blend harmonic as one, in a perfect cycle.
First time I made friendship fic, but I’m glad I made this. This is purely a friendship, but if you found any hint of pairing, tell me~


A Perfect Cycle


Yamapi. Jin. Ryo. Kame

They’re four. They’re young. They’re happy. They’re single. They’re Kings of the world.

Tegoshi was an outsider. Joined them and not decline their offer. But it’s not his first time. If there’s other reason, it’ll be because he’s interest with them.

They work together, drink Tequila shot together, dance with loud music together, and enjoy times they have together. For a short time after, came a sensation in their head. And that’s the end of today payday. Girls and dances became favorite entertainment. Cigarette with alcohol is old. Buddha and Bar. Tequilas and peanuts. Disco and Mantra. Two different cultures became one in perfect synchronization.

All blend harmonic as one, in a perfect cycle. As long as there are four of them, not three, or even two.


Yamapi is idealist person. Anything’s comes fine as long as he can balance his personal life and job. He’s polite, and responsible. He’s quiet in loud place, and loud in quiet place.

He’s not a rebellious at adult. Always in government way, even though it obviously not comfortable, gave less profit, and the effect after it always never satisfying. In the stage he always takes time to flirt with the audience, due the agency’s demand, always an indignant one he is, and will always be like that. But out from that, he’s a good boy, nothing too flashy or cocky. More like people’s person. Really humble and so natural that he sometimes doesn't seem like a big star.

Tegoshi always believe that Yamapi is a woman inside guy’s body. Eighty percent feminine energy, the rest for masculinity. If it’s true, maybe Yamapi is lesbian, still love woman despite everything’s Tegoshi knows that he don’t. Everything about Yamapi feels friendly, women feels comfortable around him. He’ll make his world waiting only to listen and understanding a line from depressing people who hate life as much as he hates himself. Yamapi will close windows and doors just to listens complaints after complaints, and never once get a hard feeling about it. The biggest power is not running, but sits down and quiet. He always said to Jin.


Talked about Jin, he’s a descendant of Hermes. World will turned so fast with him as the center of union. He likes to drink Tequila in one bottle and challenge people in drinking contest, just to satisfy his ego.

Gleam in Tegoshi’s eyes can’t be cover if he saw Jin, a muscle in his chest and neck, a really masculine aura around him always draw girls to come near. A fancy conversation, everything about him is lovable. In Jin’s eyes, there’s no foreigner, because he believe all human are made for each other, human and him are one and the same.

Tegoshi’s heart always beats faster when he felt Jin’s strong arms came from behind, hugged him tight into his embrace and whispering love word. Sometimes Tegoshi feels like he wanted that word for just belong to him, not anyone else. But Jin was beyond all of that. Love that said by him, that came from his mouth, was like a priest says love to his lost lambs. An idol to his fans. Maybe because his job, or else.

Jin was uncontrollable, after a short five seconds, he’ll bounce to other’s place, give hug from behind and said the love word for them, whether who ask for it or who not. Tegoshi only could follow him from behind as he gives warning to Jin: Akanishi-kun! Don’t forget to drink your water! You’ll get dehydrated! A naughty mind tickling his brain as his eyes always following, whenever Jin get hardly drunk, he’ll tugging, hugging, kissing, and make Jin gone crazy for him.


Tonight was Ryo’s idea. Therefore there’s Tequila, lemon, and peanuts. Other people will stop after two shoots, but not with Ryo, he’ll stop after his head spinning and self-realization when he started getting dizzy. And to get him into that state, he’ll need an extra long night.

Ryo always make sure to use time and opportunity for throw less-compliment comments. People will consider him an ass if didn’t know him very well. Ryo is an older brother to them and that appeals to everyone who knows him in inside. Even though he can act bitchy at times, he is really one that is most concerned for the boys. He shoulders responsibility and allows the others to just enjoy themselves. Ryo to Tegoshi is a wonderful person, who shows to the world that he is real. Ryo has no pretenses about him. He is what he is, no matter how sharp people think his tongue is.

No one can stand far away from him. So if he arranges plans, everybody will in. He is gloomy and psycho maniac, but a real nice friend, a loyal one. He has tendency to lie a lot and in little while afterwards, he’ll admit it. But still, there’s something about Ryo that bugging Tegoshi. If he was going to live his life with someone who will always support you and surely never leave you, without doubt Tegoshi will choose Ryo. The question is: can he live with a man who never shows his weak side? Curse high pride for that. But life was weird too. Even sometimes he wanted exit the cage and declared liberate for himself. Tegoshi is not someone who will always stay and live celibate with one.

This thought left Tegoshi, undecided, stirred and stunned.


Everyone knows why Kame is here. Because drums and music. Because girls. Because dances. Because fusion between heartbeats and sounds of DJ’s booth. Because the sensation of get drunk between loud bang of music. But the only thing is, because he wanted to spend his time with friends. That’s all. Anytime he had chance, he always asked them to trip together. But their messy schedule made that idea never come to reality. So now he just enjoyed himself in the bar, as long as he with his friends.

Kame believes that hard work is his key to success for everything. One thing people notice first from him is how his face was too pretty for his own good. Kame was like a virgin between four of them.

Inside their small group, Kame was the one to be there for stabilize four of them. He’ll coordinate things with security guard to lifted Yamapi from the floor and made him sit on the backseat, helped Jin threw up, deal with Ryo whenever he act all-strong, take care four of them as he drive them home because no one there capable enough. They without Kame were like a table with three legs, incapable. And Kame without them was like a single wood with interesting details and stand out with all his charm, but nothing special, because wood is only wood.


Tegoshi is part of them whenever they’re together. He’s not anymore an outsider.

All blend harmonic as one, in a perfect cycle. As long as there are five of them, not four, three, or even two. As long as Tegoshi only take the way it is, without choose either one of them.

Without him, they just a table without admirer.



A/N: Owh…kay? How’s it? Really different genre from any of mine before. But nonetheless, it was quite nice writing it.


[PiKame fic] Ain't It Funny?

Title: Ain’t it Funny?
Genre: Romance, drama
Rating: PG-17
Pairing: Pikame
Author: ai_happy4lucky
Summary: It’s funny how things doesn’t work your way. But it’s even more funny when things should be works out while you’re busy thinking. And the most funny and kinda relieved one is when you say ‘Thank God it’s not too late’


I begin to miss this pairing.

Background of problem=
these two are my favorite Jyannis now and ever. And when they formed in Shuji to Akira, I was glad as hell, as I know they will be together perform song and dance, moreover acting in the same drama—with Yamapi as Akira and I didn’t stop smiling seeing him act as crack and dorky character, also kind of gay, when he touch Kame, I mean Shuji all over like that—it was too much to take but simply pleasurable alright! XD

so I made fic as my temporary herb and kinda hope that Shuji to Akira will form again (which is kinda impossible with percentage under 1% unless Jhonny broke out and got no other way to save his financial problem unless he use his other last weapon, which none other than a temporary group that made unusual break-through at it age called Shuji to Akira. And again, it’s just my opinion, tough…)

So just dream, fella, because without dream you got nothing.


Ain’t it Funny?


Showers were always a luxury in JE building. Kame had always known this, he felt it too, the hot drizzle running gently down his back, the calming steam making the air warm and sticky all around him…But, it was lonely.

Kame sighed as he ran a hand through his wet hair. The water seemed to get just a little bit colder. He hope that his band member was still somewhere around. Kame decided to go ask Koki or someone to go shopping or something after his hair was done drying. But it seems like everyone had go to various place after schedule done, unusually thing when Kame always had at least one of them not far from his side.

The water that was pooling around Kame’s feet was growing colder, and his toes probably already resembled prunes. Showers had that ‘dreamy’ effect on him. Where part of his mind focused on cleaning himself, and the other…recalling and thinking.

Nobody will ever think that he, Kamenashi Kazuya, still virgin and untouched. Well, too much of that, he has technically untouched, alright, but still virgin? Nobody would have thought. Maybe it’s just his bad luck to place him in the same group with bunch of obsessive-protective-freaks. No wonder he looks like the most normal person among his band member. Whenever he go out in some occasion or something, Nakamaru will make sure that somebody will be around to watch him. And among four of them, Jin or Koki were probably the most freaks who freaks enough to happily take this job. Good things Ueda had thought Kame as a mature guy and never bother to guard him all the way like the others did.

Kame really didn’t mind with that at first, but as the things works out, he began to search for some freedom. And surprisingly, he found that with his friend’s bestfriend. There’s something special about him, even he always around, Kame didn’t find it bother him as much as his band mate did, maybe because Yamapi wasn’t obsessively protect him like he was easy-to-break porcelain. Yamapi was generous, honest, can be mature and childish at the same way, he’s a little stubborn but Kame found that kinda cute, and he’s always an optimist, also selfless—think about others and all. He always treats Kame like brother or more, perhaps, because Kame began to reconsider that there’s no person who would touch and hug his brother in…rather passionately, he must said. And the most thing Kame like is, whenever he gaze at those deep brown eyes, he will found peace. There’s a part of him that wanted to make Yamapi for himself. That was selfish of him.

He reached for the moist metal and shut off the water. If he went out, would somebody come after him—to look after him? But not like in the way his band member would do, the truth was, Kame wanted someone to look after him, to protect him out of affection not obsession. (And get them not being smashed up in physically or psychologically). That, too, was selfish of him.

Kame blushed deeply as his heart jolted almost painfully. Funny what a simple thought can do. Damn that wasn’t fair. Relationships weren’t supposed to work that way. If things were totally one-sided, he would just end up…losing another piece of his world.

Kame’s fist came in hard contact with the tile of the shower. When did he begin getting so angry at this? Sure, he wanted to be around Yamapi—God knows he loved it—but there was no way things could work out. That was most certainly a given. Not if he never stepped across the threshold of a crush and admitted how he fel—

Hell no! This was not his fault—he had made all the right advances—it was Yamapi! Fuck his own hesitation, it was Yamapi that wasn’t making an advance, it was Yamapi who was hesitating, and it was Yamapi whose feelings he should be questioning—not himself.

Then again, Kame is just defending himself. Maybe he’s a dumb who got no courage to tell his dying love. And there’s plenty acceptable reason for him to not tell his love immediately as soon as possible. He really just was defending himself with all those reasons. What is he afraid, really?

The answer could be simple: he got no experience in this kind of thing.

He’s not ready with relationship, perhaps his mind already brain-wash him with that thought he can’t move on.

Sigh. He decided, just thinking won’t do any good.

He took a bold step out of the shower, reached for a towel, and at a knock on the door, stumbled—rather ungracefully—back into the shower, clinging to its curtain in an attempt to cover himself. Why were shower curtains practically see-through?

“Occupied!” Kame yelled in desperation, regaining his balance. One knock and his whole sense of accomplishment and pride went down and made him stumbled due the soapy water on wet floor.


Oh, crap…

“Yamapi? What are you—hey wait! This is not NEWS bathroom, how did you get in?”

“I have a key.”

Kame could already see the smirk on Yamapi’s face. Of course, he’s got a key. Thanks to Jin for being his best friend in whole world. Well, that only, Kame had never pictured himself in this position. Not physically, nor psychologically. “W—what do you want?”

Yamapi paused for a moment, pretending to be deep in thought, than said simply, “For this door to open very easily, and preferably, without the use of this key.”

Kame had never scowled and giggled at the same time, so it was a first for him. No one should ever be able to be humorous and flirty at the same time. Not with him anyway, Nakamaru had made sure of that. But his obsessive member was, conveniently, not here right now. Kame knew that the way Yamapi casually brag in and talked to him while he was in bathroom.

It would be alright for him to show up in a towel, right? Kame slowly picked up his towel as the cautiously crept out of the shower. The sheltered part of him said to get fully dressed, while the part that totally loved this said to simply open the door while in his under-garments. Kame had found a happy medium fluffy towel, and that was as good or bad, as it was going to get.

Kame hurriedly wiped the dripping water off his body and wrapped the towel around his lower body holding it over his waist with a tightly clenched—surprisingly sweaty—hand. In two strides he had made it to the door, and was shaking like a wet cat, his heart was beating faster than ever, and Yamapi was outside the shower stall’s door. Kame let that last one sink in a bit.

“Are you ready to open the door now, Kazuya?” Yamapi asked—like he had no idea how hard this was for the younger boy.

Never the less, Kame summoned enough strength to pull open the door and—much to his own amazement—meet Yamapi’s deep brown’s gaze.

He was blushing like a tomato.

Yamapi, was blushing at him.

The look on Yamapi’s face sunk so deep into Kame’s heart that he just knew there would be no more hesitations on his part. He was aware of how he felt, completely aware. So, when Yamapi stepped forward and kissed him roughly, Kame knew how he would respond: kiss back with as much reassurance as a he could offer. He would reassure him that if anybody seen them, he would make any kind of sacrifice that was asked of him. Finally, Kame would reassure Yamapi that the older boy was not making a mistake by doing this.

Yamapi pulled away first however, a sad look on his face—enough to break Kame’s heart if his next words were what he feared they’d be. “You know…I only came in here for toothpaste…”

Bam. Like a horse carriage. A very sarcastic one.

“But you know…” Yamapi said slowly, leaning so close his lips were brushing against Kame’s suddenly flaming shoulder. “The toothpaste can wait.” His hands carefully dancing around Kame’s elbow, sending warm chills up and down his arm.

“You still should’ve brushed your teeth before you kissed me.” Kame mumbled coyly, surprised at his ability to form sentences when he was practically melting under the older man’s touch. At this rate, his legs were surely going to give out.

Then suddenly Yamapi’s lips were on his, tongue patiently seeking entry, and Kame gave it to him. Kame was however, so lost in the passionate moment of hot tongues and his heart skipping beats at a time, that he didn’t realize that his ‘happy medium’ had slipped—with the help of Yamapi’s hands—off his body and on to the floor, and that the door was still open. Until, that is, he heard an innocent passerby muffled a cry before decided to leave the two alone.

“Ahh!” Kame shrieked as he tugged himself from Yamapi’s arms and dragged his body behind the door. “Are you crazy!” he hissed at Yamapi. “Someone saw us!”

“Oh, it’s no big deal.” Yamapi said, giving a ‘you-know-what-just-enjoyed-it’ grin. “There’s nothing wrong with being seen is there? After all, it was only Ueda.”


Shige, as the one who had sharpest brain among all member had noticed something that recently disturbed him, and that was Yamapi’s constant ‘magnetic cling’ to Kame. Wherever the KAT-TUN youngest member went, his leader was sure to follow. Shige wasn’t like he wasn’t please or something, but what amused him is that no one seem to realize his discovery. It’s just he didn’t know, that Tegoshi, the youngest member of his band had a surprisingly bright thought beyond other’s can imagine and heart as artful as a devil. But being an out-spectator he was, he remained calm and wait for somebody to realize it and until that, he won’t make this as a big deal. The other who had discovered this already was probably hime in KAT-TUN member, Ueda. It’s not hard to realize the weird behavior on someone once you’re an observant. And he got even surer after a day before he saw a ‘you-know-an-accidentally-seen-marvelous-passionate-event-in bathroom. Still, he had no business to tell to anybody and think that it’s better to keep it hush-hush, especially from his bandmate.

When Yamapi was sure that the other wasn’t follow when he asked permission to leave the room, he crept out, as casually as possible, suppressed his giggle and goofy grin. Because when Kame had asked to meet him on the rooftop as soon as possible, Yamapi had made up his mind in less than a second.

The night air that greeted Yamapi on the roof was cold even in summer. Yamapi shivered and peered around the roof, searching for Kame.

“Psst!” Kame hissed from his right. He was waving his hands to him and smiling happily, Yamapi had to tripped on steel pipe that laid randomly on the roof to go toward Kame because there’s really not much light around him and made the roof almost all dark, and when he managed, the first thing he did was pull a rather surprised Kame into a tight hug, something he could never do in usual under KAT-TUN’s bunch of freaks scornful eyes.

“H—Hey, Yamapi, are you okay?” Kame asked in a worried tone. It occurred to Kame that this was the first time the two of them had been together…alone…since, well, they actually hadn’t gotten a chance to be alone together after small event in bathroom.

“Fine if you are.” Yamapi said pulling back and grinning happily. He was too happy to explain in simple words how happy he felt right now, with Kame—he looked damn beautiful with his new short straight hair and the starry night surrounding him.

“That’s good.” Kame said as he closed his fingers around Yamapi’s belt and dragged him closer, into a passionate kiss that could only be amplified by the atmosphere. It was true, Kame was so perfectly happy that he didn’t mind Yamapi taking control of the kiss—in doing so taking control of his entire body—and moving hands around his waist.

Kame moaned softly when their lips parted, but gave an encouraging gasp as Yamapi’s mouth moved to his neck where he somehow knew all the ways to give Kame goose-bumps. Yamapi moved his hands gently across Kame’s stomach, despite the fact Kame still had his clothes on. The moment Yamapi touched him, Kame felt the strength leave his legs and the air leave his lungs as he practically threw himself against Yamapi.

“Y—you know,” he managed to get out, “I only wanted your opinion on my new haircut—” But Yamapi wouldn’t let him finish. Kame made a squeak as Yamapi pushed him against the railing roughly as the older man attacked his right ear seductively. Kame was unable to let out any more than a moan or gasp after that. But he knew, if they continued like this, he would never be able to tell Yamapi what he had really wanted to. “P—Pi, wait.” he said sternly.

Looking slightly like a saddened puppy, Yamapi backed off, “You shouldn’t interrupt me when I’m doing such marvelous work.”

Kame felt himself blush like a beet, or any other red vegetable for that matter. “I—I aaah…want to tell you s—something. Mmmh…But you have to promise not to laugh at me…a—and…please stop kissing me until I’m done, okay?” he somehow managed to finish his sentences under Yamapi’s lips brushing against his neck.

“That’s going to be much of a problem, but sure.” Yamapi smirked as he backed off, hands still around the smaller boy’s waist.

Kame took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.” he said, it was somewhat easier than he had expected. “I’m sorry that I’m making you confuse all this time because of my hesitation…” Kame moved Yamapi’s hands from his waist and pushed them back to his sides. “I’m sorry if I made you left undecided and agitated because I was too selfish and stupid back there. I wasn’t trying to hurt you, really. B—because, you’re the last person I’d ever want to hurt…’cause…I…do you have any idea how weird it is for me to say this?”

Yamapi smiled handsomely and devilishly at the same time, “No, but I’m having fun watching you try.”

Kame felt his face grow warmer, if that was at all possible, “I j—just want you to know that I…damn it Pi—I love you.”

“Hmm…you could’ve fooled me.” Yamapi said, still smirking, “But you know what, I’ve waiting those words for so long…” he continued and leaned into smaller boy as he gave him a gentle kiss.


Yamapi was incredibly bored. Having to memorize this certain dance, lyric, and all tone and balance it with study was a cruel punishment on being idol’s part. Even not much people like usual, the cafetaria is always warm, and combined with the cold, soothing wind, was making him sleepy. Yamapi stretched himself out over the desk like a large cat and yawned.

Yamapi turned the book’s page lazily. Boring. Jin was out, and so was Ryo…but Kame wasn’t! This realization perked Yamapi up considerably. But then again, the KAT-TUN’s youngest member was most likely busy already, he was probably too late to catch him. Or kiss him, perhaps…

“Yamapi?” Kame gently called as he made his way around the books surrounding Yamapi and finally made it to the front of the dining table, a tray with a single cup of coffee balancing perfectly despite his awkward movements. “I—I’m glad you’re still awake…I made you some coffee.” Kame quickly and, looking rather embarrassed, passed Yamapi the coffee.

It occurred to Yamapi how adorable Kame was when he was nervous, bringing him coffee! So cute and innocent.

“Thanks,” Yamapi said and took a sip of the warm liquid. He suddenly felt as though he had enough energy to take on all schedule in one week. Well, maybe it wasn’t just the coffee…Kame was making him feel more awake than Ryo when he gave him a sharp smack to the head. That was just the kind of person Kame was.

“You’re welcome.” Kame said kindly, his face was still red though. But that bugged Yamapi a bit: the fact that he was so nervous around him, when they were alone. After all, he had already kissed him. And he had kissed back. And after a long waiting, they’re finally coupling. Officially.

“No, really…” Yamapi said, setting the coffee mug down and standing up rather suddenly, making Kame take a step back. Yamapi wanted to convince him that there was no need to be so nervous, he loved him, and that’s all matter. Yamapi practically lunged across the desk and snaked his arm under Kame’s, pulling him forward onto the table, and onto his lips.

Kame’s eyes went wide with shock, and at first he wouldn’t open his mouth the slightest bit. Yamapi fixed this by gently stroking the right side of Kame’s neck with his available right arm. Kame relaxed at the gentle stroke and slowly opened his mouth, that’s when Yamapi took full advantage of it. He wanted to show Kame that he loved him, and that he wanted to be with him, Kame could be nervous, but not with him.

Yamapi was unpredictable by nature. Yamapi wanted Kame to know this, even if it meant kissing him the cafetaria, a really public place in JE building, where they could be seen anytime. And surprisingly, Kame didn't really mind, even now he face the risk that he'll get caught.

Kame was an exceptionally good kisser, Yamapi knew, the way Kame would always let him have most of the control, but would pick up anywhere he was slacking, Yamapi found it really…hot. Especially now, Kame’s gentle moaning as Yamapi nibbled the side of his lips, his painful posture over the table, his short dark hair laying around his nape like silk…everything about him that Yamapi loved, and he wanted Kame to know that. He had to know that.

Yamapi began pulling Kame closer, but upon realizing the table was preventing him from moving any further, Yamapi decided it was a good idea to lift his knee onto the table and bring himself closer to Kame. In doing so, Yamapi felt Kame’s breath hitch suddenly as he found his hand that had once been stroking Kame’s neck slide down a bit lower until it settled on his chest, fingers playing with anything through the shirt. Kame jolted forward, knocking his teeth into Yamapi’s, causing him to pull back, and in doing so…

Well, at least he wouldn’t have to do his reading any more.

“Yamapi! The coffee!”


The manager stared at Yamapi coldly. His eyes looked incredibly venomous. Telling him the schedule for next week and the other thing related to that would be pointless for now, he reconsidered. The said person was just sitting in the chair before him, grinning like an idiot—obviously not listening to a thing the manager had said because his mind was off remembering something totally irrelevant and most likely perverted.

“Yamashita-kun,” he began, “Are you listening or not?”

Yamapi rolled his eyes dully. “Oh, yes, yes, I’m listening alright” he said nonchalantly as he scratched his neck in embarass. Ryo and the other member shot a look at him, raised an eyebrow for seeing their leader slacking off.

The manager sighed.

“Ano,” Yamapi asked permission—right before the manager opened his mouth to yell at him—standing up, and grinning, “Will it be possible to get some coffee?”


A/N: Finish~ I need comment as always :) Don’t be too harsh because I’m new, but another critic is good, I must say.

[ShigeTego fic] Signs (Chp4. Just Say)

Title: Signs (chp4. Just say)
Pairing: ShigeTego
Genre: Romance
Author: ai_happy4lucky
Disclaimer: Not me, yess?
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It’s a sign. All we need is a sign. And it’s everywhere.
A/N: This is the last chapter for this title…So enjoy reading it and don’t forget the comment, k? :)


Author: ai_happy4lucky



4. Just Say


Do you know where your heart is?

Do you think you can find it?


We were all born with it weren’t we? It’s quite a small and fragile thing and surprisingly flexible. It bends to your own will at the same time it bends upon the will of others. It holds all sorts of emotions capable of great deeds and at the same time incomprehensible madness. What the heart is really meant for pretty much depends on who holds the heart actually.

It doesn’t sound like a small thing now does it? It’s so fragile.

I have one too at least I had one.

I didn’t realize it because I have been long since never felt like I have again. My heart doesn’t belong to me, I gave it all to my job right after I accepted it. But it’s not like I didn’t have any emotions, despite all image and many kind of change, I still have emotions to feels.

My heart, it used to be empty. But not after I felt a foreign sensation that I never felt once in my life.

And my world turned upside down.

Love, is it, what people called it.

Do you know where your love is? Do you think that you lost it?

You felt it so strong but nothing's turned out how you want it

Love…It comes in varying degrees and meanings, doesn’t it?

Take example this one.

It was a time long back there. And there’s a boy in front of me, trembling. He was a terrible boy, stupid and naive. And now, after few sobs, he began to cry. I was there, but unmoving and silent, just stood like a statue in front of the crying figure.

I could spot the tiny drops of tears trickling down the floor as he grieved. With his back faced towards me I had a strange nagging urge to make him face me. And I called out his name.


He was a beautiful disaster.

Despite tears on his face, which value nothing but everything to me…

He was breathtakingly beautiful.

There was a spark as I felt those deep brown eyes gaze into my dark brown ones.

It was those deep brown eyes that kept overflowing with tears that made a distasteful thug on my heart making a voice echo in my head. Then we talk for maybe long time, time doesn’t matter when we kept talking. We share each other, he told me his dream, a high one, I never thought of this boy to be that ambitious. But still, he, who naïve and doesn’t know anything can dreaming of something so high was…Stupid and simply wonderful. As I stare into those deep brown eyes, I heard echo inside of me and voice bargain me something that never occurred to me…

Well, after all, all I need is the air I breathe and,

A place to rest my head

I’ve changed.

I feel like I, too, wanted to have a dream. Dream to be chase to.

If I could knew what I want then maybe…

I’d know what I want to do and what I’m supposed to do…

Little by little, I’m attached to him and I realize that I don’t have strength to run away or escape. But still, despite that nuisance thing, I didn’t really mind.

I knew it the moment I snap on my bandmates just because he had disappoint guy I cared so much. I rarely had gone mad on anybody, even my friends or my family. Then I ran to get him. His face was buried in his knees and his arms were wrapped around himself, and he was shaking. He looked up at me and tears began to spill out.

Does he even know that I will gladly turn the ocean upside down just to make him stop cry?

And why I always see him cry when anybody doesn’t?

It’s not even funny. It’s a bad joke.

I remembered I was in studio, rehearse something before shows. It was when I realized ladder behind him shaking uncontrollably, cannot press the boxes’ weight on the top any longer. Then like what I calculate, it falls rather sudden, with he below it. I took my time to push him, but in exchange, the ladder knocked my body instead. I started losing focus and about to let the unconsciousness claims me.


I felt so detached to my body that it felt strange. I could hardly move my limbs and my vision was turning blur.


I’ve been hearing that voice echoing all the time. As much as I like listening to the sound of my name being screamed at the top of his lungs, I’d pretty much prefer seeing his deep brown eyes and possibly, a smile.


I felt numb after my consciousness gets my body again. I was wake up and Ryo felt like knocking the living daylights out of me because he thought I was complaining. I was laughing like because for some strange reason I felt really good.

Then I felt Tegoshi’s loving fist and although it really hurts…

I felt really good.


He woke up from his dream. He blinked and tried to recall when he started dreaming to begin with. His mind was pretty hazy with all the thoughts that ran through his mind and it took him a while to analyze where he was.

Although the weather is nice and bright his eyes were spared by the shade brought about by the willow tree hovering above him. He could hear the nearby river flowing just a few inches away from him. He then remembered that he came to this serene area a meters away from the city just to seek refuge every once in a while. As his fingers twitched he was reminded of the book he was clutching on his chest. There’s just one thing he can’t remember though…

He should be having grass for his pillow.

Since when did grass become so soft?

Gales of laughter filled the air, “I’m sorry I disturbed you didn’t I?”

I was lying on the lap of the boy who filled my thoughts.

I blinked but I couldn’t move, “Wha—what??”

He shook off my confusion with laughter and stared at me, “Did you sleep well?” His hair was slowly growing back now and I nodded in reply. I just watched as the wind played with his hair and I stayed that way for a good number of minutes. Now if only the ground could split open and swallow me whole! What in hell’s name am I doing?!

“How long have you been coming to this place, Shige?”

Ah, there goes the beautiful ringing of my name with his voice, “Quite some time now. Pretty neat refuge huh?”

“It’s a really nice spot.”

I mentally slapped myself. What’s going on here? This isn’t another dream isn’t it? ‘Cause if it is…

Then can you let me sleep a little while longer?

“Is there something wrong?”

“Nothing, it’s just I thought a library is the only place where ‘Shige’ can be ‘Shige’.”

I raised a brow, “What do you mean?”

He stared down at me momentarily then stared up at the sky, “I get the strange feeling that there’s distance that you’ve set between us.”

Always the sensitive one…I took a deep breath and I felt strangely uneasy.

“Is it hard?”

“What is?”

“Being…Being an idol?”

Ladies and Gentlemen finally someone popped me the question…

Unconsciously I waited for someone to ask me this and mentally ‘No’ would come out from my mouth like I’ve rehearsed it for hundred times. Now that someone finally asked me the question my mentally rehearsed reply which has been playing over and over sudden came to ruins.

I tried to find the right words hoping I wouldn’t have to explain myself further, “It’s something different entirely. There are some things that just can’t be”

Silence enveloped us and for a mind numbing moment he finally nodded, “I see.”

I laughed, “What? No follow-up questions?”

He smiled, “Maybe next time, I think I’ve asked enough. I do have one favor though.”

“Which is?” I asked, curious.

“Do you mind if we stay like this for a while?”

It took a while for me to register what he just said. I was actually expecting him to extract an oath from me which makes me tell the truth and nothing but the truth. I won’t deny the fact that I like the position we’re in.

Damn it. I’m doomed am I not?

“I don’t if you don’t.”

Then he smiled, “Thank you.”

Then after a short silence, I asked, “Why?”

He knew what I meant and smiled, “You needed a place to rest your head don’t you?”

Holy God I really am doomed am I not?? It’s like he knew what inside my mind when I was sleeping just now. How came that supposed to be?

But still, with throwing all thought, I closed my eyes in pleasure. Breathe his familiar scent above me, I relaxing myself, “How long can we stay like this then?”

He tapped a finger on his chin, “Hmm…As long as I could still feel my legs.”

We laughed and we had a moment of silence.

If I told him everything, I wonder how he would take it.

Wait, am I even going to tell him?

One’s thing for sure though: He won’t ask me to choose between being an idol and staying with him or being another different but not staying with him.

See, I’m just like a child who didn’t know what kind of people he wanted to be. Child who still looking for something, search for something that maybe beyond his reach. Dream, perhaps.

But if I finally found what I’m looking for…Maybe that I’ll be doing something I want but not something that I’m supposed to do. Maybe I can finally find the answers piece by piece. I think if someday doubtlessly it fulfilled, that would be great. Time isn’t in my control but I believe I’ll have plenty of that. I want to take my time and make sure I wouldn’t waste time regretting on anything.

Starting now…

Well, I think I’ll need someone to watch over me until I get there. If I’d gone down in that place and I’d opened my eyes, I think that find him with that smile would be great…

“Say, Tegoshi…”


I spoke four words that felt like they were waiting to be said all my life.

His eyes twinkled as they widened.

I'm starting to regret what I did. Stupid Shige. I know exactly that after I say this our relation won’t be the same as always. If it’s rejecting, he’ll perhaps keep distance with me, or ignoring me, but I know one thing sure is: he’ll feel uneasy around me. But again, this is a gamble.

The suspense is killing you?

Well imagine what its doing to me right now.

But he smiled and bent down...

Whispering words like I was meant to hear all my life...

“I do”


A/N: Last chapter? :) More comment


[ShigeTego fic] Signs (Chp3.Drunk)

Title: Signs (chp3. Drunk)
Pairing: ShigeTego
Genre: Romance
Author: ai_happy4lucky
Disclaimer: And as what I always said before, it’s not me. I’m a realistic.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It’s a sign. All we need is a sign. And it’s everywhere.
A/N: Then here goes the third part. And I kinda stuck somehow…

Shortcut to the previous chapter:

Chp1. Arachnophobia

Chp2. Gift


Author: ai_happy4lucky



3. Drunk


It was ten o’clock in the evening and anyone would assume that everyone had already deposited themselves to their beds to catch up with some well deserved sleep. But some people were still wake at this time of moment.

It’s JE Boys Night Out and their doing a pretty good job at it in Ueda's family’s villa.

Ueda watched as more and more people slowly came to ruins under a certain beverage called “alcohol.” It didn’t hurt them to celebrate like this every once in a while. Beside everyone who acting like an idiot in their own little ways, there’s also men from JE who looks strict and orderly but the effects of alcohol sure drown their responsibility.

Although it can’t avoid the fact when people get drunk, and there are different kinds of drunkards. Ueda admits that he can’t hold alcohol quite well that’s why he stays in a nice quiet corner where he can see everyone and observe them together with a nice glass of red wine.

There are some numbered few who can take alcohol pretty well. They cause some trouble while exchanging insults with one another but none of them ended into a punching session. They would just glare at each other, take really deep breaths as they pick up the nearest bottle, and then they’ll start laughing at each other like nothing happened. Some of them play random card games and make ridiculous bets.

Speaking of card games Yamashita Tomohisa just started a tournament of Strip Poker. Anyone could tell that he’s already heavily controlled by alcohol. Even Ryuuhei who just accepted his challenge along with other men of Kanjani8 are under the control of alcohol as well. Yamapi took out a deck of cards and started distributing them to the circle of contestants. He tried dragging Ryo to join their game as well.

Ryo barked at him and said that he wasn’t going to play if there’s no prize or special rule. Yamapi just shrugged and went back to the circle of contestants. Surprisingly Jin was already with them and claims that whoever stripped the most clothing should be the ‘playmate’ and play with host Kame who dressed up in bunny costume, or so he said. It sparked everyone’s spirits (especially Ryo, who joined up quicker that a champion athletic ran to gayporn store) and suddenly everyone was firing up and excited to play Strip Poker. In the other hands, the prize of the winner of course is complete salvation from total embarrassment and possible annihilation.

As Ueda watched the game progress he could not help but wonder if the evil glint from Yamapi’s eyes and the dark aura surrounding him is caused by alcohol or naturally by evil within.

Ueda took a sip of his wine and grinned. They are a bunch of completely wasted lunatics.

But there was one exception.

Ueda’s eyes scanned the room and found Kato Shigeaki sitting on a stool not too far from where Yamapi was holding the Strip Poker Tournament. He just watch the games from where he was seated then he would glance around the room and observe another group. Sometimes he would just sit in the middle of a group and listen to the stories they have to tell. Some people would think that Shige is only partly interested in events such as these. Ueda would reason that it’s just with Shige is naturally a good boy. Then again maybe he's just saving himself from possible embarrassment.

Among all the visitors in the room, Ueda would point out that Shige was the only one who could hold his alcohol well. As Shige walks around the room, Ueda noticed that he doesn’t walk around wobbly, he walks a perfectly straight path. His voice doesn’t slur whenever he talks. His replies are always short and sensible, but it bothered the bartender on why Shige is even quieter than usual whenever he is drunk.

Ueda winced when he noticed Shige heading out the door. Shige passed by him and he decided to start a conversation.

“Leaving already Kato-kun? Everyone’s still having fun you know.”

Shige faced him and nodded, “I’m a little sleepy.” That’s when Ueda noticed something different. Shige’s dark brown orbs were slightly hazy and drooping a little, his cheeks had an interesting tinge of red, and he had a really goofy smile plastered on his face.

Ueda was going to mentally slap himself after asking this. He eyed Shige suspiciously and raised a brow then he popped the question.

“Kato-kun, are you drunk?”

Instantly Shige raised his right hand like he was giving an oath and replied with pride and glory clearly written in his face, “I swear to drunk I’m not God!”

And with that he left a very shocked Ueda and an empty glass of wine.


Shige allowed his feet to guide him to his room. He’s aware of how drunk he was right now and sleeping really sounded like a good idea. Fighting to keep his consciousness up he struggled to keep his eyes open until he could reach his room. He mentally scolded himself for taking the glass of wine earlier. If only he stopped himself from taking the wine he would have no problems heading out to his room right now! After who-knows-how-long he finally reached his room. He gave out an exasperated sigh and opened the door to his room. The moon was so kind enough to shine its light on his room but, it wasn’t enough.

He leaned by the door frame and lazily outstretched his hand on the wall to search for the switch. He grumbled when he couldn’t find it and made a few steps forward which became his fatal mistake.

He tripped on his own feet and knocked himself out cold on the floor.


Tegoshi still found it hard to get some decent sleep at night, which is why he had a habit of walking around the hallway in hopes that he would get tired and fall asleep easily. It wasn’t much help right now considering the noise created by the men in the cafeteria is practically echoing around the villa. He didn’t come because he felt not good right now, think he’ll got a fever or something, so Massu warned him to take a rest.

He sighed, he has no choice but to bear with it for now. It was their way of having fun after all. Whenever they go on a drinking spree everyone sleeps in the cafeteria except a numbered few who still have their brains intact with the ability to go to their respective rooms in one piece.

His ears concentrated on the sound of his footsteps echoing around the hallway. As he allowed his thoughts to wander so in hopes that it would tired himself, he winced at the sight of an open door at the end of the hallway. Curious, he slowly picked up his pace to see what was wrong.

His deep brown eyes widened in shock to see a familiar, unmoving, figure with his feet facing the door as he lay on his side on the floor of his room.


Quickly he entered the room and knelt beside him and shook him gently by the shoulders, “Shige are you alright?” He gave a small groan and refused to open his eyes. Tegoshi’s nose twitched at the faint smell of wine. He quickly understood what it meant and frowned, “Mou, you got me completely worried back there!”

He shook him by the shoulders again, this time a little bit stronger, “Shige, wake up! You don’t really intend to sleep on the floor now do you?” He groaned some more but he never opened his eyes nor did he move from his spot. He sighed as he stared at his sleeping figure. Everytime he saw anyone in their drunken stupor, he imagined it to be a very stupid and at the same time a hilarious encounter.

Taking care of one of them never crossed his mind.

Tegoshi continued her efforts of waking Shige up hoping that he would just stand up and plop himself on his bed. Tonight wasn’t exactly a perfect night to be sleeping on the floor. The winds were quite harsh and sleeping on a floor doesn’t help.

After failing on his last attempt of waking him up, he decided to give up but then again he couldn’t just leave Shige the way he is now. He knew that he doesn’t have enough strength to carry Shige with his condition right now. Calling for help doesn’t count either since there’s no one he can count on right now. He decided to drape some blankets on him instead. It was dark and everything was too cluttered to find anything so he stood up and decided to switch the lights on.

He was about to turn the lights on when he heard Shige groaning again, only this time it was louder. He stood beside him and bent a little, “Shige are you awake now?” Shige blinked several times and made a small nod. Tegoshi smiled in relief, “Here, I’ll help you get to bed.”

Shige raised his head up a little and stared at Tegoshi for a moment. His vision was a little hazy but he knew who was with him right now. After his vision returned to normal he muttered something which Tegoshi failed to hear.

Tegoshi bent down so he could hear him better, “Huh?”

“Come closer.” He muttered. And with husky voice of his, Tegoshi got easily distracted but still tried to keep focus.

Curiously he bent down a little more, “What is it?”

The next thing that happened left Tegoshi dumbstrucked.

In an instant Shige grabbed his arm causing Tegoshi to lose his balance and fall to the floor. Tegoshi was lying on Shige’s side like the other was. His face was just inches away from his. But Shige hadn’t let go of his arm yet.

Because he was hugging it.

Two strong arms were wrapped around Tegoshi’s arm. It was like a kid hugging a teddy bear.

Tegoshi’s eyes widened in shock at the predicament he just landed himself on.

The first thing he thought of was to loosen Shige’s grip by trying to wriggle his arm out but it was no use. He just hugged on it tighter causing him to drag Tegoshi a little closer to him. The younger boy decided to stop his attempts because he couldn’t possibly guess what would happen next. He kept still.

“Shige.” Tegoshi whispered as he felt tinges of pink shades coloring his cheeks. Shige reacted by giving a low moan and that was all.

It was so quiet that he could hear his own breathing together with Shige’s. His heart kept beating and it made him panic because it sounded so loud to him that he thought Shige could hear it.

The pale moonlight shone on them and left Tegoshi with his thoughts.

‘He’s drunk… He doesn’t know what he’s doing…’

His eyes settled on his sleeping figure. Everyone has their own burden and they carry it differently. He’s rarely seen Shige at peace before. He may joke and laugh along with the rest of them but his eyes would stray every once in a while as he gets lost in his own thoughts. His eyes would always seem distracted and sometimes Tegoshi would catch a glimpse of hurt in his face.

Unconsciously his free hand reached out to Shige and brushed the stray strands of frizzy hair from his face. He chuckled. It’s so strange to watch the usually scowled and cool Shige sleep and look very please.

He felt the cold winds blow in and it sent shivers down his spines. He attempted to escape from his grasp once more. He was making progress until Shige clasped his hand with him. Tegoshi thought Shige was going to wake up so he braced himself for what would happen next.

Surprisingly he wasn’t prepared.

“Stay.” He whispered.

It was just one small word that almost took his breath away.

‘He’s drunk…He doesn’t know what he’s doing…’

Tegoshi felt warm all over and strangely the cold didn't bother him that much anymore. He found himself smiling foolishly and tried to suppress it. Instead he found his thoughts lulling him to sleep and slowly his eyes started to close.

‘He's drunk... He doesn't know what he's doing...’

Then again when he wakes up he probably won't remember anything. Thanks to the effects of alcohol probably not even the smartest guy in group who is gifted with an unbelievable memory would remember that he landed Tegoshi on their current predicament right now and that he told Tegoshi something that turned his mind blank. Tegoshi will just wake up early to leave so he can spare himself of coming up with an excuse to their current situation.

‘That's right... He probably won't remember...’

Finally he gave in to the drowsy feeling that was engulfing him and he kept his eyes shut. Shige probably won’t remember anything by tomorrow. That kind of thought relaxing him in some way.

‘He's drunk... He doesn't know what he's doing...’

‘Yeah right keep telling yourself that.’

Maybe there are things that aren't meant to be remembered by people. There are things that one wants to forget so it wouldn't be impossible that there are things that are not remembered.

“Even if you don’t remember moments like these, I'll be”

Tegoshi smiled as he rested his free hand together with Shige’s, “I'll remember these moments for you.”


He cringed slightly at the smell of a strong but wonderful aroma. He blinked his eyes several times before he could focus on where he was now. Strangely there was a blanket draped over him and a pillow was already under his head. His brows furrowed wondering what happened.

“You awake already?” Tegoshi slowly turned his head to the direction of the voice. Shige, dressed in a long-sleeve blue shirt and black pants, was sitting a few inches beside him. He looked down at him as he casually raised his mug and grinned, “Ohayo.”

Tegoshi blinked.

“It's coffee. It helps to take away the effects of hangovers. I made some for you as well.”

Tegoshi's thoughts scattered and shock. His body caused him to jolt up as he sat up to face him with his head bowed slightly. Some of his light brown locks came tumbling down to cover his face. He knew Shige was staring at him right now as Tegoshi shyly took the cup of coffee settled in front of him.

He took a sip and it made his body tingle with warmth, “T—Thanks.”

“No problem.”

The silence surrounding them was killing him. He wrapped his hands around the mug as he tried to calm down. He was supposed to leave early to spare his this dilemma and now he was pressed to it without any alibi to present to him.

He took a deep breath and raised his head, “Um…Shi—Shige?”

Shige was already looking at him even before he called his attention, “Hm?”

“A—about what happened...uh...last night you see...um...I was just trying to...” he kept pausing and stuttering that the words he wanted to say wouldn't come out. Hearing himself in tongue-tied state made him feels like an idiot.

“You see...I tried to wake you up and... And all of a sudden...”

“Tegoshi.” Shige called out his name so casually he almost spilled his coffee.


He looked at Tegoshi’s straight in the eye and it stayed that way for a while. While he was distracted by Shige’s gaze, Shige reached out his hand and brushed the stray strands of hair away from Tegoshi’s face and neatly tucked them behind his ear. Tegoshi felt his ears burn as lovely shades of pink colored his cheeks.

“Thanks for staying.”

His eyes widened in disbelief.

‘He knows?! He remembers?! He was aware of what he did!?’

Tegoshi looked up to him and from the looks of his face Shige already knew what was running around Tegoshi’s mind.

Shige took a sip of coffee and shrugged, “Maybe yes, maybe not. Who knows?” He said nonchalantly as he gave a mischievous grin. Tegoshi was rendered speechless as he took a sip of his coffee. He took a deep breath and summoned enough courage to look at him in the eye.

Tegoshi’s smile was as bright as the sun's rays behind him, “Your welcome.”

Shige returned the smile and was glad Tegoshi wasn't nervous around him anymore. He rested his chin on the palm of his hand and continued to watch the younger boy.

“You know Tegoshi,” The last phrase that Tegoshi whispered to Shige last night echoed in his mind.

“Moments like these should be remembered by the two people involved, don’t you think?”

Tegoshi couldn't suppress the smile on his face,

Taking care of drunkards isn't so bad after all.



A/N: Part 3 finish~ I wonder when this story will ends…



Fanfiction Index

Hello fella!
You do notice that my page is messed up right?

So I do some organization...
Here, check this out:


All I Ever Wanted (PiN / SmutSex) 

Best Result of Drunk Ever (PiN / Fluff) 

The Next Step (RyoKame / Romance,Drama) 

Hidden Desire (PiN / emoAngst)

Slow Me Down (PiN / emoAngst / Sequel from Hidden Desire) 

Romeo and Juliet (RyoKame / Fluff, Comedy) 

Ain't It Funny? (Pikame / Romance,Drama)


Signs (Shige Tego / Romance, Drama)        [1] [2] [3] [4]

Ok, that's all~


[ShigeTego fic] Signs (chp2.Gift)

Title: Signs (chp2.Gift)
Pairing: ShigeTego
Genre: Romance
Author: ai_happy4lucky
Disclaimer: Definitely not me
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It’s a sign. All we need is a sign. And it’s everywhere.
A/N: Okay fella, this is the second part. Read and comment okay~? :)


Author: ai_happy4lucky



2. Gift


His footsteps echoed around the empty hallway as he clutched a small book in his hand. He was smiling goofily. Of course he’s smiling that way because his destination is NEWS’ dressroom, Tegoshi’s there after all. He arrived at the door and took liberty to turn the knob slowly and letting himself in. And there’s no one except Tegoshi like he expected to be. Of course, everyone was busy with themselves right now. Thanks to any spiritual souls to make him a smart boy, that way he can predict when dressroom will empty or not, or who will be inside dressroom at this very time considering every member schedules.

There Tegoshi was sitting on a chair in front of his dresser. For some reason he seemed pretty pre-occupied so Shige slowly approached him in attempts to frighten him. He grinned mischievously. He was going to enjoy the look on his face.

Shige slowly bent down and blew softly on Tegoshi’s ear. It instantly sent shiver’s on his spine causing him to shriek and jump up from his seat. Tegoshi frowned instantly when he faced with the unusually prankster.

“Very funny.”

Shige grinned in an attempt to suppress his laughter, unfortunately he failed, “Sorry about that.”

Tegoshi crossed his arms and sat down, “You really scared me there. And you doing prank like this was so unusual, you know?”

Shige stood beside Tegoshi and chuckled, “That’s because you were so pre-occupied. You probably didn’t hear me get in.”

Tegoshi’s eyes widened slightly to Shige’s statement, and then he stared at his reflection. He bowed down slightly and rested his chin on his arms on dress table.

“So, what’s bothering you?”

“Should I cut my hair?” Tegoshi asked as he raised two fingers and moved them like they were scissors. Tegoshi caught the shock in Shige’s eyes and smiled slightly.

Shige raised a brow in disagreement, “Why would you want to do that? Your hair is too short already”

“Because it’s boring.”

Shige’s eyes sparked in amusement and continued to stare at their reflection as they spoke, “What is?”

Tegoshi raised his hand and playfully twirled his light brown hair with his fingers, “To be honest I don’t want to cut my hair either. I just thought I should try something new or different that’s all.” he let out an audible sigh as he leaned back on the chair, “It must be very funny hearing this from me. You’re probably thinking I’m vain.” he said as he playfully pokes Shige on his sides.

Shige shook his head and smiled, “Nope. It’s normal”

He knows what Tegoshi’s going through. Of course he should. For someone to be idol and public figure, he had to have an image alias going through different changes like changing his hairstyle, thinking up of different names, socialize with other artist, plus he often moving around from one place to another when he was kid, not to mention going through a lot of fashion statements he KNOWS very well what it means to be bored.

Fashion statements? Hmm…

Shige brushed his chin in thinking, his eyebrow was attached and Tegoshi thought it was an amusing thing to see.

“Wait here.” He patted Tegoshi on the head and left the book he was holding earlier on the table. He wasn’t given a chance to ask him because he left quickly to the dance studio where he put his bag. Tegoshi was left to his thoughts wondering what Shige would bring back with him.

When Shige back, he just smirked and turned Tegoshi around by the shoulder letting him face the mirror, “This one’s special so it wasn’t easy to find.”

“Hm?” Tegoshi blinked at their reflection, “What is it?”

“Close your eyes.”

Tegoshi stared at him with suspicion but Shige just covered them with his hand. “Just close them alright?” Tegoshi eagerly nodded. He removed his hand and waved it around in front of Tegoshi’s eyes just to make sure. When he was completely sure that his eyes are closed, he gently inserted something on one side of Tegoshi’s ear followed by their lock.

“Earring? Is it like the ones you’re wearing?”

“Nope, like I said it’s special.” Shige smiled in satisfaction, “You can open your eyes now.”

Tegoshi had to blink several times before he could clearly focus on his reflection. When his vision concentrated on his ears his eyes sparkled in awe.

“They’re beautiful!” he leaned forward as he admired the tiny, circular, jade earrings on his ear. They twinkled as small rays of sunlight reflected the beauty of its color.

It fits Tegoshi much better than when Shige wore them before. Come to think of it Shige couldn't quite decipher how he got the earrings. Either way he was glad he kept it. It’s a small change on Tegoahi’s appearance but, it’s done quite a lot. Shige suppressed the small blush on his cheeks as he tried to act cool, “It’s yours now.”


Shige failed quite miserably as he looked away, “Why not? Besides it looks a lot better on you than it does on me.”

Tegoshi noticed he was failing and she took the chance to mock him, it’s payback for scaring him earlier, “If it doesn’t look good on you why did you get it in the first place?”

Shige was caught off guard and he was a little irritated. He faced Tegoshi’s reflection instead, “Who cares!? Just promise me you’ll wear it so you won’t get bored and you won’t try anything rash like cutting your hair alright?”

Tegoshi laughed at the expression on Shige’s face, he was fuming pretty childishly, “Hai, hai!”


“Yamapi, Ryo-chan, here’s your coffee.” Tegoshi held out mugs to Yamapi and Ryo who sit side by side, laying their head on each other due tiredness.

“Arigatou Tegoshi!” Yamapi straighten his sit and took his mug of coffee with delight.

“Hm? Tegoshi, something’s different about you today…” Ryo stated, noticed something as he took sip on the coffee.

“Ryo’s right…Something’s different” Yamapi joined.

The youngest member just smiled, “You think so?”

Yamapi tapped his fingers on his chin thoughtfully, “It’s strange but I think you’re blooming! Did something happen?”

“Hmmm? Did you try something new?” Ryo asked curiously.

Tegoshi’s deep browns orbs just sparkled and that’s when Yamapi noticed that something sparkled along with it. He failed to note what it was and where it came from.

“Nothing. It’s just something special.”


A/N: Well? What did you think? It is fine story for the second or it’s not?


Title: Signs (chp1. Arachnophobia)
Pairing: ShigeTego
Genre: Romance
Author: ai_happy4lucky
Disclaimer: I wish it’s me…
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It’s a sign. All we need is a sign. And it’s everywhere.
A/N: It's a random story but fed up one another anyway...And it's okay if you not follow it in right number. I already made it up to 3 but I rather post it one by one...


Author: ai_happy4lucky



1. Arachnophobia


He was so bored.

NEWS dressing room has been too quiet lately that it was enough to surprise him. Even Koyama who talkative plus Ryo who love to annoyed people has all gone quieter than usual. Maybe it’s because the person Koyama usually talked to wasn’t here today. And come to think of it, this said person was Ryo’s everyday poison mouth target. No wonder these two were seems bored too. And to make worse of it, the schedule today was not as full as usual.

That’s settle it, today was boring day.

Tegoshi allowed his feet to lead him aimlessly around the building.

He got nowhere to go, no plans to attend, and no work’s schedule to fulfill also because today’s work was done rather well. He wanted to go around town today but he preferred to have company. Yamapi and Ryo still have their shoot for their new drama that aired recently and sold so well, so it was understandable that they all they want for now was some good sleep. Meanwhile Massu was having another plan with his family and Koyama was still busy with work as well.

And Shige wasn’t at work today, said he got fever. Ryo scoffed that it because he study too much and forget his humanity needs to get sleep. But it’s just Tegoshi’s nature to get curious and get worried so quickly especially if it’s Shige.

Before Koyama left Tegoshi shared his concern and he just grinned at the evident worry in his face and said, “He’ll be all right, it’s just fever, he’s Shige after all”

And it sounded like the perfect statement to describe the law students with diligent natural attitude. Tegoshi smiled at his statement and allowed himself to calm down. Yet it’s still bothered him and he decided that he would be completely convinced once he sees him face to face.


After parking his car near the apartment, Tegoshi quickly walked toward Shige’s room. He rings bell twice but no answer, so he decided to just open it. His fingers reached out for the knobs of the door and felt familiarity surging through his body. Tegoshi took a deep breath and opened the door.

The room was standard size, filled with books that he didn’t bother to even glance at it in book store. It had titles on all sorts of topics, in various sizes, with different book covers and many of it not had content in his own languages. And it’s when scattered everywhere. He inhaled the strange and unique smell that could only be produced by these books.

And Shige wasn’t anywhere around.

The room was dim and Tegoshi seriously need some lighting, so he had to walk slowly around the room until he found the window curtains. He tugged at the curtains and slowly started to spread them open allowing the bright sunshine to give more light to the room. After taking in the breath taking view outside, he turned around the room and frowned. Although books are Shige’s pride yet when it scattered everwhere around the room, it made this room very…

Very dusty.

Not to mention paper everywhere and random books scattered or stacked on the floor. Pages of some books were torn off and added to the clutter of the room. The messiness almost reminded him of Ryo’s room.

Is this where Shige resides all the time?

How Shige loves the atmosphere and the aura of the room he can understand that much, but the room positively needs cleaning. Without second thought Tegoshi put his bag and jacket, storm the room in search of a mop, bucket, rags and various cleaning materials. He's not a really a neat type, but he couldn't stand this room either...

Cleaning up this room would take a long time.

He dreaded the thought but, he had nothing better to do anyway. A thought crossed his mind and made him smile.

It would be enough to spend time on as he waits for the owner of the room to come back.

He tucked his sleeves of his hem as he got ready to clean. He started as cleaning up as soon as he got all the materials he needed.

After placing all scattered papers in table, he grabbed the ladder and decided to start dusting the cobwebs off the ceiling. He started from the doors going to the windows. He dusted off the cobwebs with his dominant hand and covered his mouth and nose with his free hand.

A bath sounds really good once he finishes.

After the tedious task of dusting cobwebs and put away the books inside bookshelf and whatever place he found fine enough to place on, he reached Shige’s bed room and decided the condition was not even better. Book, many books, more books, tons of books, Tegoshi started to get irritated with all those books not to mention they’re very heavy and he feels sore by lifting it again and again.

Because there’s no place anymore inside the shelf, he decided to place it on top of it. He used a ladder to reach the top of shelf as he carried books. The shelf is quite big and Tegoshi now was near the window, he took a deep breath taking to relieve himself. He absent-mindedly stopped lifting and arranging the books. Relish the feeling of air filled his lungs. It’s nice to see the town’s houses and people in minor detail.

As his thoughts started flowing he can’t help but feel a strange chill in his spine. He felt small movements around the room and he wasn’t sure what it was. He took a deep breath and calmed himself. He slowly turned around trying to maintain his balance on the ladder.

His deep brown eyes widened when it came to contact with a four tiny pairs of black eyes reflecting the shock it held. Its tiny legs were squirming very slowly as its body nimbly hang itself from the thin silky thread. It was black from head to body to legs and it didn’t look to friendly. In Tegoshi’s opinion that is, since it was just two inches away from his face.

The cold chill in his spine came again and there was no use holding back because he couldn’t take it anymore.


He needed sleep pretty badly.

In all honestly he thought he would never get back in one piece. First the fever, then crappy train ride, then the good-for-nothing-clerk who made fault with the copy machine so Shige’s copy was now useless, fortunate thing he didn’t lost his origin papers. After that a killer teacher who had tendency to be a psychotic when he got a bad mornings which made students had to suffer from that in return, and in addition his wallet was almost lost and…ah heck you probably don’t want to hear the rest of it.

To cut it short:

It was hell.

Shige was dragging his sore feet to his destination, his apartment. And as always a wave of anticipation washed through him. It feels very nice to be in place you knowledge as your home you can go back.

From what he recalled, all NEWS member were all occupied today. Yamapi and Ryo sure busy with script and shooting, Koyama still have work to do in Shonen Club, and he said Massu was spend his time with his family…Eating perhaps? Everyone’s busy…Today sounds really boring right now.

He winced and remembered that Tegoshi didn’t have any plan.

Koyama didn’t know where he went after work. Not with NEWS member to be obvious. And if he got no plan to spend this day with, then he must be pretty bored right now. And in an instant his thoughts swirled around the youngest member.

He smirked as he wondered what Tegoshi might be doing right now. Shige guessed that his train of thought would run around something like this: I wonder if everyone doing good right now? I hope them safe. How about Yamapi’s leg? He got hurt at the last shooting. How about the others? And other similar phrases that ran through the same thought. Sometimes it bothered Shige that he worries too much. No, he never got worries too much before, it’s just recently. But if that’s the case, Shige will always assure that everything will be okay.

And for some reason a part of him wanted to see Tegoshi’s bright welcoming smile as he stepped through the doors of his apartment, which is so impossible, Tegoshi got nothing to do with his apartment, especially when there’s nothing but books scattered around the room.

Shige blinked and realized that he was already in front of his apartment.

He stretched his arms hoping some stretching would wake him up. His body may be fully awake but his mind and soul were as good as dead right now. A bath sounds really good now.


The familiar voice was enough to send an alarm to his body and it shook him awake instantly. It sent chills to his spine as he sensed fear wavering in that voice. He worriedly stared up and searched as to where the scream could’ve come from and sensed it coming from the third floor, his room.

Without second thought he dash to his room to the damsel in distress who’s screamed for reasons who knows what.


Frozen stiff as he shakily tried to maintain his balance, Tegoshi’s clamped his mouth as his screams could was probably strong enough to echo throughout the apartment. He was now praying so hard that no one would come and witness such embarrassment.

The spider twitched some more and it looked like it was about to move. He decided to get down as soon as possible before the spider caused him to scream again. He was doing well going down when the spider strangely had the same train of though and started going down with the help of its silky thread.

That’s it! He decided to jump of the ladder when he lost his footing and his deep brown eyes widened as he heard a familiar voice scream his name.



He turned his head slightly to see Shige who just came from the door as he caught his fall. Shige grabbed Tegoshi’s small frame close to him as they crashed heavily on the floor.

Tegoshi was the first one who got up and panicked at the grimace on Shige’s face

“Shige! Shige! Are you alright?!”

Shige’s eyes cracked open just to be blinded by deep brown ones. He groaned as he felt a headache spinning through his head.

“I’m so glad you’re alright!!” Tegoshi held him as he tried to suppress the tears forming in his eyes. It’s so tight Shige almost choke air off his throat.

He could only grin, “Idiot.”

Tegoshi giggled and beamed with his usual bright smile. It was either that or his headache was making him dizzy. He slowly sat up and looked around the room, “What were you doing here anyway?”

“I was cleaning up until you arrived.”

He raised a brow, “Eh?”

“It was pretty boring while everyone seemed strangely preoccupied today.”

He took a few minutes to register what he just said and agreed, “Oh.” Then he popped the question, “Why were you screaming? Did something happen?”

He didn’t fail to memorize every detail on Tegoshi’s face when he blushed, “Nothing.”

Shige, being the smart fella he was, took Tegoshi by surprise as he tightened the grip on his hand as he stood up and made the younger boy stand up with him. Curiosity and mischief was dripping in his voice, “Oh really?”

Annoyed, Tegoshi just stared somewhere else and refused to meet his eye. “I told you it was nothing.”

Curiosity was starting to kill Shige as he restlessly wondered what it was that would make this talkative, clingy, self-centered, and not to mention cute and bright boy, scream in fear.

By the looks of his face he looked pretty determined not to talk about it. Shige accepted this as a losing battle and decided to change the topic when a small black object started slinging itself downward with the help of long silk thread. He was about to point it out to Tegoshi when he noted he was biting down a scream as he shuddered and quickly hid behind him.

“I.don’t.want.to.see.it.” Tegoshi muttered against his back as he gripped on Shige’s clothes tightly.

His glances shifted from the innocent spider dangling two inches from his face and the small frame who was hiding behind him. His gaze remained at the innocent spider that was coated black all over, with four pairs of tiny black eyes and eight squirming legs.

This made Tegoshi scream and shuddered.

This made him dash as fast as he could to the third floor and not to mention he must climb all those stairs.

This is what he was afraid of???

As he registered the amusing discovery in his head he was grinning like an idiot deep inside as tried his very best to keep it to himself. He just couldn’t help it and this time he was mentally laughing.

The brightest boy he knew was actually arachnophobic.

“Who would’ve thought?” He smirked as he sending the innocent little spider flying out the window. He muttered a small ‘Thank You’ and the smirk on his face grew wider.

‘I came home after all disaster and look what I found…It’s so nice to be home.’ Shige mentally thought.

“You can look now.”

Tegoshi popped his head from behind his back and blinked in relief to see that the object of his dread was nowhere to be seen. Shige turned to face him and he quickly took a few steps back. Frustration and embarrassment was mixed in his face.

“If it helps,” He paused as he caught Tegoshi’s attention, “I won’t tell anyone.”

If looks could kill, Shige was lying in the pool his blood right now, “You won’t tell anyone?”

He gulped as he raised his hands in surrender, “I promise.”

Tegoshi’s expression relaxed a little as he gave a small and shy smile, “I’ll take your word on that.”

He tiptoed and kissed Shige on the cheek, coloring his cheeks with a shade of bright red. He winced and looked down at Tegoshi’s bright smile and can’t help but return the smile as well.

“This should be enough for a thank you.”

And after that Shige swore to kill all the spiders he would come across to if he were to be kissed for every spider he killed.

Of course he won’t forget to thank you.


A.N: OK, that’s the first story. Actually, about Tegoshi being arachnophobic was my own thought. So it’s fiction. After all, we free to express our thought right? And it’s FANFICTION for any name’s sake!


[Ryo/Kame fanfic] Romeo AND Juliet

Title: Romeo and Juliet (a.k.a Nishimeo and Kameliet mwahhahahah!)
Author: ai_happy4lucky
Pairing: RyoKame-ish
Rating: Safe! This time no smut Te-He...
Genre: Romance Comedy
Summary: Just a crack of Ryo played as Romeo and Kame as Juliet. (I’m suck at summaries!)
Although this is just a  free-time-waster fic, I had fun writing it! XD The characters are even more funny than the last fic I made (Well, the last one were so emo and angst if you read those). Fluffiness for the sake of comedy. Anyways, I sincerely hope you enjoy!


Romeo and Juliet


“YAMASHITA TOMOHISA! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!?” Kamenashi Kazuya shouted, slamming fist onto the desk in front of NEWS’ leader, causing ripples in the coffee in his mug and shaking some of the stacks of stuff on it. A lone piece of paper slid to the ground. Yamapi picked up his mug, and took a sip. He smacked his lips.

“Ahem, Kame, what is ‘this’ precisely?” he asked. The younger man never called him in full name if there’s no something. Which mean he now very mad, and a mad Kame is even dangerous than in-the-mood-of-sex-Kame.

“THIS!” Kame screamed, slamming down the cast list that he had snatched from table inside KAT-TUN’s dress room once he had regained the ability to think. “And not only this but that!” he yelled, waving a finger at Nishikido Ryo, who stood behind him, rapidly.

“Kame, please stop using so many pronouns, it’s hard to decipher what you mean,” said Yamapi calmly.

“Wh—why the hell did you cast me as Juliet? I am a guy! A guy! I have a fricking penis!” Kame said, obviously beside himself to use such vulgar words, “And not only that, why in the world was I cast as the lead female who has to kiss with that thing!?”

“Hey! Call me a thing and I’ll scratch your eyes out!” Ryo scowled.

“Not now, poison tongue! I’m in the middle of a rant!” said Kame, turning to shout at Ryo daringly with mock words, exactly not like himself.

“Poison tongue?? How dare you say that to me!? Who do you think you are!?” Ryo burst out.

“SILENCE, NISHIKIDO RYO!” Kame said with dangerous tone, effectively made Ryo shock and turned down unwillingly then after regained himself he grumbled all around. Not noticing, Kame spin around and faced the also shock state Yamapi, “Well!?”

Yamapi gave a nervous laughter and scratched the back of his neck, embarrassed, “Well, um er, ehehe, I didn’t expect you to be so mad, you’re usually very mild mannered, um…”

“Just answer the damn question!” shouted the irritated younger man. And Yamapi honestly thought he look oh-so-damn-hot-and-sexy in mad condition.

“Ok! Ok! Knowing his demeanor, Jin is the most number one that want to be cast as Juliet even no one ask him to be, so…” he paused “I DON’T WANT MY PRECIOUS BAKANISHI PLAY AS THE ROMANTIC INTEREST OF ANYBODY!” Yamapi cried, hid behind Shige’s clipboard that lay randomly on the table just before Kame threw a punch at him.

“Then why you just be the Romeo!?” Kame demanded.

“I told you I join producer team this time…And Ryo want to play as Romeo like hell, he was the one who pleaded me, ask him” Yamapi smiled at Ryo, who glared him deadly, “He compatible for that role after all, if you see the casting yesterday” he added to coax the younger boy, “And this is self-drama, so we must use our own agency’s human resources, and for your info, it’s all guy. There’s no way I will find any actress here…Wait…” he narrowed his eyes, “You don’t think we should make those receptionists play, do you? Because their capabilities to act are as horrible as hell”

“NO, I’M NOT!” Kame yelled again, starting to lose patient, “Then what about the others!? Ueda and Tegoshi are more convincing as girl than me!!” Kame asked through gritted teeth.

“Well, Ueda won’t do if paired with Ryo-chan, knowing those two” Yamapi glanced at Ryo, “And Tegoshi wanted to be nurse along with Jin”

“Well, refuse it!”

“I can’t!”

“Why not??”

“Because he is Tegoshi. I know this is ridiculous but with those pleaded-wet-kicked-puppy eyes of him I can’t say no!!” Yamapi cried and blushed. Well, that was not ridiculous at all, Kame experienced it once and…Yeah, he couldn’t resist.

“So you thought that was a good reason to make me Juliet?” Kame asked, finally retreating.

Yamapi breathed a sigh of relief; put his disfigured clipboard down, “Yes.”

“What about Shige? Or Koki? Or Nakamaru? Or someone!?” Kame asked, still red faced and furious.

The swindler-cast smiled, “Well, you’re obviously the pretty one beside Ueda and Tegoshi. Ah, my mistake, you’re the prettiest here” he said, “So it should be much compatible for you to play the female instead of Shige or Koki”

Kame groaned, his anger having died down considerably, “But what about kiss scenes?! I can’t kiss another male!” he said, pointing at Ryo.

“Yes! For once, I am agreeing with him, there is no way in hell that I am kissing that ugly turtle!” Ryo also shouted, joining Kame.

“Back in Shakespearian times, they didn’t allow women to act, so it was always an all male cast, those men didn’t have a problem kissing each other for the sake of the play,” said Yamapi.


“You can’t—”


“I don’t—”

“I can’t—”


“I’m a frickin guy!”

“Quiet!” Yamapi shouted amidst their broken protests, “Now Kame, just accept your fate and leave me be, I have work to do.” Che, yeah right…


“This is so gay!”

“Leave!” said the NEWS’ leader sternly.

Kame pouted and sulked, finally turning around and stalking out.

“Oh yeah, and just in case you wanted to know, Jin specially requested that Kame be cast as Juliet, and you know I can’t go against what my baby says,” Yamapi said.

“J—Jin?” Kame asked as both he and Ryo turned around, eyes wide.


“Hm, hm-hmm” Jin hummed, lying back on couch and kicking his legs up, reading his script as Nurse on couch and memorizing lines when—


The door to KAT-TUN’s dressroom banged open and in flew Kame, Ryo and Yamapi (who had decided to tag along to prevent any unacceptable possibility such as…Murderer) as the other KAT-TUN member stared wide-eyed at those three, especially Kame, they never see the youngest member look so furious.

“AKANISHI JIN!” Kame roared, pointing an accusing finger at him.

Jin sat up and smiled innocently, “Yes, Kame-chan, Ryo-chan, Pi-darling?”

“How could you betray me?!” Kame asked, furious again. Ryo stood off to the side with his arms crossed while Yamapi move forward to guard Jin from any possibilities to be beaten up.

Jin cocked his head, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh yes you do!” he shouted, nearing the couch dangerously as he sweat dropped, “You told Pi to make me Juliet! Admit it! You betrayed me!”

“No, I didn’t” he said, smiling impeccably.

“Yesyoudidyesyoudidyesyoudid!” Kame shouted, shaking a finger at Jin.

“Um, Kame, maybe Jin was—” Yamapi started.

“Don’t interrupt me while I’m interrogating the suspect, Pi!” Kame yelled, “Did you, or did you not request Pi to cast me as Juliet!?” he asked the older man.

“Fine, yes I did,” Jin said.

“Don’t deny it, you—wait what?” Kame said, cocking his head, a loose lock of brown hair suddenly springing up.

“Did you not hear him? He just admitted that he is the reason you cast as Juliet, do you have hearing problems, or is your brain just too small and slow to process information quickly?” Ryo asked, closing his eyes with an evil smirk.

The youngest in the conversation rounded on him, “Sh—Shut up, Ryo! I’m in the middle of an interrogation here, so stop interrupting me, dumbass!” didn’t want to make Kame yelled at him again, Ryo decided to shut his mouth submissively. Kame turned back to Jin with a sudden saddened expression, and sniffed “How could you betray me, Jin?” he asked, falling to his knees on the floor, dark brown hair covering his eyes,

Jin felt a little guilty now, “Umm, Kame, easy…I just told Pi to cast you as Juliet.”

That comment hit the boy like a boulder.

“Ouch,” grinned Pi, sniggering.

“Wh—why? I trusted you! I thought you were my friend!” Kame cried, head snapping back up pleadingly, distraught.

“You are my friend, Kame-chan,” said Jin.

“Th—then how could you do such a thing to me? Why would you want to cast me as a girl?” sobbed the poor boy.

“I didn’t mean it that way, I would cast you as a boy if I could,” he said mischievously, awkwardly giving him a small pat on the shoulder.

“What do you mean by that?” Ryo asked skeptically. He was starting to have a theory…

“Well, the sad truth is that Juliet is a girl" the older boy sighed, "If only you could play as a guy and still be Juliet...”

“How is that any better?” Kame whined from his spot on the floor, “I’ll still have to kiss Ryo!”

Jin suddenly grinned, “And that was my motive from the beginning.”

Yamapi couldn’t hold to snort, “Jin! How dirty!”

“NOOO~!” Kame sobbed, “Why? Why did you do this? Do you have something against me? How can you be so cruel?”

Jin just grinned, “Because I want to see you guys kissing!” he answered excitedly.

Ryo suddenly joined Kame on the floor. His theory had been proved correct.

“Well, Jin-baby, I don’t think you’re same as those fangirls out there…Maybe worse” Yamapi said matter-of-factly.

“Work on you too Pi, you’re the one who agree to cast them anyway…I can see your ticky-tricky plan~” Jin sing song-ed.

“I always know you’re not that stupid as people say, Jin” Yamapi smirked and placed kiss on Jin’s corner lips.

Meanwhile, on the floor, Ryo was extremely distraught but not like the younger man beside him. Poor Kame sobbed, now both his best friends had betrayed him! What had he ever done wrong to deserve this punishment?


“A dog of the house of Montague moves me,” said Nakamaru, or 'Sampson', reading off his script as he and Koyama, or 'Gregory', rehearsed on the stage. Yamapi was watching. Off stage, Shige, Massu, Koki, Ueda and the others who were playing another character waited in the audience, ready to spring on stage when needed. They were in the middle of their first rehearsal and were presently acting out Act 1 Scene 1. Where a fight break out between the people of the Capulet and Montague families on the streets of Verona, the Prince showed up and said that if there were another fight, they would be executed.

The only character missing was Ryo, probably because he was just being damn stubborn and didn’t want to act as the lover of Kame. Yamapi sighed, he would have to send someone to find him eventually, but for now, he needed to concentrate on the two actors who were making fools of themselves, giggling over every line. He massaged his scalp and reconsidered if he should change the genre to comedy, that way he could change the dialogue also.

Koyama suppressed his giggle with his fist, “W—well thou art—art not f—fish; if thou hadst, thou hadst p—poor john. Dr—draws thy tool. Here comes the house of Montagues,”

Nakamaru suddenly couldn’t control his laughter and ended up hunched over his stomach unable to read the next line, his face was bright red as he was overcome with giggles, “My—my— Hmmmph! My— n—nake— Pffffft! Ahahaha ha! My— my n—naked w—w—w— Ahahaha! My naked weapon is out!” he screamed before falling to the floor, giggling and squirming, “Naked weapon is out! Who knew Shakespeare was such a pervert!?”

Yamapi sighed, “Somebody’s mature,” he muttered before standing up, “Okay, that’s it! Obviously you two are too immature to handle these lines, so we shall be randomly skipping ahead to the masquerade scene, Act 1 Scene 5 now, where’s Ryo-chan and Kame?”

“Um, nobody’s seen them since this morning! We think they are purposely avoiding rehearsals,” called out a helpful and random actor.

Yamapi sighed and rubbed his temples, “Well, somebody get me the phone so I can call them! If they don’t pick up, somebody get them for me! And if they refuse to come out from the place, just drag them off!”


Kame was residing in his newly formed emo corner, sulking about how his life sucked and growing mushrooms. He couldn’t trust anyone anymore, not Yamapi or Jin, hell not Ryo. Maybe Ueda, Nakamaru, Tegoshi or Junno, but no… they had actually seemed quite glad when he had gotten the part of Juliet, giggling and chuckling at his humiliation. So no he couldn’t trust them either… What about the juniors? He sighed. No, not them either, they were most likely not gonna help him because they jut to—oh so obeying their senpais…
He had nobody left!

And the idea to make butai together and take Romeo and Juliet as first storyline was never be a good idea to begin with. Even if he loves that story but with this condition…Hell no. Furthermore this unnecessary small drama will be watched by all JE. He cursed anyone who was masterminds of this unnecessary project, they told it will be alleviation of stress, “Alleviation of stress my ass! It was just another mind-burden! What were they thinking!?” Kame burst out angrily.

His scoff stopped because cellphone in his pocket started to ring annoyingly, “Phone call? From Pi?” He sighed and stood up unwillingly, “Yes,” Kame said shortly.



“Yes! We’re rehearsing Act 1 Scene 5! And you’re in it! You're 15 minutes late! Did you forget?” Yamapi asked.

Kame groaned, he had purposefully been trying to avoid it, “Yeah I forgot,” he lied.

“Well, rehearsals are starting and you’re not at the studio, so come on, we’re all waiting for you!”

“I don’t want to go,” Kame said blankly and honestly.

“But—EEEEEEEEEEEK!” Yamapi suddenly screeched a high-pitched shriek and there were sounds of massive fumbling as someone else grabbed the phone.

“KAME! If you don’t get your small tiny ass down here right now, I will kick you so hard your grandchildren will feel it! So you BETTER be down here or I’m going up there!”

“No freaking way.” And he hung up the phone.

“Ugh! He hung up on me!” Jin screeched angrily and quickly zoomed out of the studio.






“…Don’t shout at me like that”

“What do you want, Tego-nyan?” Ryo asked rather angrily but still keep the voice down, he never can argue with Tegoshi. Said he was in NEWS’ empty dressroom which was a perfect time for him to continue his book he never bored with. His peaceful time was suddenly being disturbed by the youngest member.

“We have rehearsal you know.”


“Shouldn’t we be going down?”

“Do whatever you want, I’m sure as hell not playing Romeo,” Ryo scoffed, reading his book intently.

“But Ryo-taaaaaaaa~n! You’re such a great actor! And you seemed to be really getting into it yesterday! Why trying so hard when you don’t want the role?” The younger member whined.

“I wasn’t really trying,” Ryo said blankly, still reading, or at least that was what it seemed like, for his eyes never moved.

Tegoshi frowned and ducked his head into his arms that rested on the arm of the couch, “Show off,” he muttered, but then perked up “C’mon, you got the part! Now you have a responsibility to fulfill! So just come, okay?” He pleaded.


“Ryo-tan! Nobody can play Romeo as well as you do!” Tegoshi was now rocking back and forth on the couch.

“Whatever, I’m still not having him as my lover,” Ryo grumbled quietly.

There was a short silence before Tegoshi’s pout slid into a grin.

“Oh, so you just don’t want to declare your undying love to Kame-kun, eh? Even if it is acting…” he said with a glint in his eye.

“Exactly,” Ryo snapped and turned back to his book, “Wait…What? I mean WHAT??”

“Aww, don't you think Kame-kun is cute?” Tegoshi asked with a glint in his eye.

Ryo immediately went rigid in his seat, dropping his book and sitting bolt up, face turning 50 different shades of pink, magenta and red in the space of 5 seconds, “E—Excuse me? H—He? That ugly turtle? Cute? Wh—what gives you the idea that I would think he’s cute? I—I’m a guy! I can’t find other guys cute! I though you were stupid before, but now I know you’re an idiot! To think that I would think that he’s cute! No! Never! Not in a million years! I laugh at you! Aha! Ha! Ha! HA! Do you know how off you are? Tego-nyan, are you drunk or high or something? How could you come to that conclusion? Don’t snort on me! How could you ever even imply that I would think that Kame is cute? I hate that guy! I want to scratch his small eyes out! He’s a frickin skinny! You must be out of your mind! He is not cute! He is a…a… moron! Yes, a moron! Moron can’t be cute! And besides I’m the sexy Osaka Man! I don’t find anything cute! At all! Never! Ever! I don’t—”

“But Ryo-tan often said that I’m cute” Tegoshi said, matter-of-factly. Ryo stopped in the middle of his excruciatingly long rant and glared.

Tegoshi grinned, “My, my, Ryo-tan, you sure are getting worked up over one simple, tiny question…”

“I was not worked up!” he screamed.

“Okay, okay,” he said, holding up his hands in defense, “But you know what they say about certain people who deny something so hard, it’s probably true…”

“Well it’s not true!” Ryo roared, more than twenty anger marks popping up on his face.

Tegoshi just shook his head, “But Ryo-tan, I find Kame-kun is kinda cute, and I’m a perfectly happy, healthy, straight male,” he said, grinning.

There was a short awkward silence.

“No you’re not,” said the Osaka man, “This conversation is over! I’d like to get back to my book and for you to not bother me about going to those damn rehearsals! Get away from me!” he cried angrily, nearly losing it.

The other boy sweat dropped, “Aww, what’s the ma—”

“I. Am. Not. Gay.” Ryo said in a deathly growl.

Tegoshi whimpered but quickly composed himself. So instead of screaming and running away, he shakily grinned and tsked, “Tsk, tsk, Ryo-tan, denial, denial…Don’t worry, I have photos on coming out of all closet and what inside it, fortunately for you your photos is on my first list”

Ryo glared at Tegoshi as he gulped down. This brat…

“This is all about me being afraid to play as Romeo with Kame as Juliet, isn’t it? Fine, I’ll go to rehearsals, as long as you stop implying that I’m… I’m on that side of the fence,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Okay then Ryo-tan! C’mon!” Tegoshi said happily, grabbing the Osaka man by the arm and dragging him out.

They were suddenly greeted with the sight of Jin carrying Kame by the arm and pushed him inside the studio.

“Let me go! Let me go! I am not playing Juliet! I am not making out with a guy! No less, Ryo! Let me go! This is torture!”

“Shut up Kame!” Jin cried angrily.

“But—” Kame gave one final, feeble kick but then gave up, crossing his arms and pouting, wrinkling his nose and jutting out his lower lip just slightly.

Suddenly and randomly, Ryo started bashing his head against the wall repeatedly… and it looked to be very painful.

Tegoshi smirked, “You just thought he was cute, didn’t you, Ryo-tan?”

Ryo only banged his head even harder.



OK I know this is weird. And…Err…Not proper ends?



[fic] Slow Me Down

Made at: 10/03/08
[Sequel] Slow Me Down

Title: Slow Me Down
Author: ai_happy4lucky
Pairing: PiN
Rating: PG 17+
Genre: angst emo
Summary: “Jin, if I walk to fast will you able to slow me down?” Yamapi had said to him back there. Jin realized he had to fulfill his promise. But with just minimal knowledge of the ground he about to step, can he?
Sequel from ‘Hidden Desire’, like just I told before, I just can’t leave it end like that duh! X) Got the title from the Emmy Rossum’s song. Hope I made a fine continue! (This is my first time making a sequel, Te-He…)

Slow Me Down

He found himself running and rushing in the first place. His legs like wasn’t his, it moves so fast and bring him run at the speed he didn’t ever imagine. He was moving so fast he forgetting his purpose. Blur of traffic send him spinning.

He was getting nowhere.

His head and heart are colliding, he wish he could stop pace of the world. He can’t keep up, whether he was walking too fast or world spinning too slow at his state. He just wished he could stop running. But his body betrayed him, it didn’t wanted to hear his request, and kept running.

He started falling apart.

He fall so deep he can’t even turning back, can’t climb back to his place, if he own such a place.

He soon started forgetting his need to take a breath, he thought he need to sleep but he doesn’t stop running. It’s fine if somebody tackled him now and made him stop. Because he tired of rushing and running. He tired to live a lie.

He wished somebody will take his hand and lead him. Slow him down. Cause he ready to fall even deeper. He needs someone, but he can’t let that someone take place beside or behind him, he afraid they might get hurt from keep up in the same pace as he do. He needs a lead. But he didn’t want them to be tired from leading him.

Then the thing he can do to prevent the people from this situation is just shooed them away. Because he was too persistent to stay in his way, have no intentions to go outside even part of him wanted to. Afraid to break them along with him.

He just to kind for people’s good.


It was late at night, and he was in his room, still in his clothes that he wore to work that day. All the time Jin was thinking about that night’s incident, an undefined feeling had climbed up on his back, clutching his heart. His heart hurt seeing Yamapi like that, all that scars…Wound him inside out.

Yamapi didn’t go to work today, when he asked Ryo, he only said: “He sent Koyama a text message, said he sick. True or not, I don’t know” Jin assumes Ryo had realize something had wrong about last night when Ryo shot him a look, ask for explanation. But then he decided it best for those two to solve their own problems, “You know, I always have my ears open” Ryo have said before left Jin to do some work. But the message is clear: I will help with all I can if you need it. And Jin greatly thankful for that.

Jin understands very well that the relationship between Yamapi and himself is really in an ambiguous right now. He knows that their relationship has a crack on it, and Yamapi is the person that refuses to fix that crack. He understands how fragile his relationship with Pi was. So fragile that one little motion or undulation could break them apart.
No matter what kind of relationship two people hold, one person has to be the initiative, and open the door to the other’s heart. If no one takes the initiate open the door to the other person’s heart, nothing will become of the relationship. Jin understands very well of that, but Yamapi restrained Jin from being the one opening his door. His reasons behind that are even intangible to himself. He could not figure out what Yamapi’s heart wants or needs.

This made him hard to try to pull Yamapi away from that dark place.

Jin leaned back on his couch, sigh and loosening his muscles. His thought draw him to past, recollect his memories when two of them together in his room. Searching perhaps there’s something, something Yamapi have say, to be some sort of hint, clue to fix their relationship.

“Jin, if I walk to fast will you able to slow me down?”

That was Yamapi had said a long time ago, before the accident, before anything disturb their relationship.

He asked casually, but Jin can catch the deep meaning inside of it, a small wish and hope he cling into. Yamapi’s head was tilting down, read a magazine. Jin was beside him, half lying on his belly. He needed no second to think the answer.

“Of course I’ll be able to! You can count on me!” Jin had said back there, even pulled his friend into a playful but wholehearted embrace. He did struggle for first time, but give in inside Jin’s embrace anyway. Jin can still remembered how sweet Yamapi’s smile, Jin can still remember how in Yamapi’s eyes he saw only joy and happiness, because he had support, a place to lean onto, and he didn’t have to be alone again. That’s the time when Jin decided he’ll always be there to protect Yamapi from anything He knew Yamapi wasn’t a girl, everyone can tell, but Jin was his bestfriend for nothing. He knew deep inside Yamapi was a fragile personal.

“Jin, if I walk to fast will you able to slow me down?”

Slow me down…

Was he walking too fast? Jin didn’t really understand what he meant back there, but knew that Yamapi hoped highly for him. To slow him down. To take his hand and made him able to walk slower.

Was he walking to fast?

Jin widen his eyes in realization, his mouth was half open.


Snatched his jacket, he quickly ran out over his door.


Leaning on the edge in the front part of couch, Yamapi sigh again, panting after successfully throb his left arms again, with a few cut after. Oh God, sleeping pills definitely didn’t help anymore. He needed a stronger dose.

Cutting…He wondered since when he get addicted by do it once. Well, perhaps you’ll easily get addicted with cutting yourself. That’s why if somebody said, “Stop that!” it’s plainly useless, because he cannot stop that easily. He might felt ashamed when he cut himself, but that’s the point when he angry at himself because his own weakness and yes, cut himself again. Yet he can only recognize what he had done by looking at the scars later on. Usually he forget what he has exactly done, maybe because he part his mind and body, one part watching while the other hurt himself.

He thought recently, maybe he have a borderline, which made him hard to split the real and imagination. That’s why he began to feel like he lost each part of himself one by one, slowly, in every dream he got, in every breath he takes.

The doorbell rang. He tried to ignore it. The person started to knock on the door. Yamapi didn’t mind it. His world was like only in his head. But that’s just before…


Yamapi snapped his head, looking at Jin who already inside his apartment, in the edge of the door in his room for exact place. His face was filled with disapproval and looks like he wanted to look away as he just looked at moment he didn’t have to see.

With fully comprehend of Jin’s look, Yamapi felt an urgent of sudden anger.

“With all many random people to showed up, why it’s you? And why did you here anyway? How did you come in?” Yamapi said, failed to cover his frustrated.

“I have the copy of your key, right?” Jin said before he gulped when he saw those bloods from Yamapi’s wrist. Jin pulled his jacket off and threw it on the couch near him. Then go to the bathroom. Yamapi wonders why he didn’t even mad at him, or at least said something. There’s sound of water pour from inside bathroom—he quickly remembered his previous dream, a quiet place with only pour of water from the fountain heard in his ears and he stood there by himself.

Then the sound stopped, left only a little residue of water to pour down after. Yamapi wondered what did Jin doing inside, that’s when he felt a warm towel wrapped his wrist, and he tipped his head up just to saw only care that reflected in Jin’s eyes. Yamapi’s face softened in that moment, but quickly changes to dull expression once again. Jin’s hand was shivering but firm. Yamapi was about to slap that hand away, hate to be pitied, but when he felt the warm of the towel was comforting enough, he turned down his act. And decided silence as the best option.

After a minute of silent, just when Jin about to open his mouth to make another sentences, “Did you just poured it with hot water?” Yamapi said, almost like a whisper “Because it feels so warm”

Of course it is, Jin thought, but he kept still, pressed his hands against the towel that wrapped Yamapi’s arm, gave no answer. Letting the younger boy to blabber out, “If you want to stop bleeding, use cold stuff” Yamapi said nonchalantly as he just give advice to five years old kid.

Jin opened his mouth and closed it, opened it again just to close it again, look unsure of what he said, “Your arm…is already cold” he said finally, his mimic and expression was just like small helpless kid that was in the middle of his parents fight, didn’t know whatever word to say, “It’s cold…”

The younger man looked at him in unexplainable look, his soft spot for Jin, a small place in his heart that contains a complicated feeling that always made him compliant when it comes to the older man, it was probably still existed inside him. And now Yamapi felt it begins to climb up wildly in a pace that he couldn’t stop. He looked away, he can’t give in this easily.

“You are idiot” he really didn’t mean to say like that, he should be keep quiet, but it seems even his own feelings and words betrayed him. He blinks twice when he realized his stupidity to give in words like that. A simple mocking words that he always say a long time ago to the slightly older man, when they were young and untouchable by world general.

“Why'd  you come here?” Yamapi asked again. Jin thought: oh wow, he talked a lot today.

“I have to fulfill my promise” Jin replied without shaky tone, “…aren’t I?” he add. Oh crap, why must he add those last words? It will make Yamapi doubt him, right?

Yamapi stared at Jin, “So you do remember” he said blankly—Jin mentally thought, oh, seems like he didn’t, at least fully doubt him after all—“When you left to America I thought you didn’t remember”

Jin wanted to yelled but the bleeding boy made him bit back his word, “I think you forget” he said, his voice somewhat broken, “I really think you have” he looks like about to cry, but Jin see no tears float in his eyes. Jin didn’t know Yamapi had tired to cry all night, so he let his tears dry up, or maybe he hold his tears for so long. So that’s why when he cried last night he felt a little relieved yes, but ashamed in the same time.

“I didn’t, that’s why I came, right?” Jin said whole-heartily. Yamapi rolled his eyes to stared dagger at Jin with half-doubt-half-relieved look.

“What…” Jin started, “exactly that you see in your dreams?” he asked, his tone was soft and gentle, without any meant to forcing the younger one in front of him.

Yamapi eyes gone empty but his lips form long words that he kept inside until now, “When love and like turned into addicting, madness started to snapped, wake from his long dreams. It whispered a sick idea continually which hard to comprehend. Fragile soul will devour into madness, started to walk on the wrong rail. Became too sensitive, covering all senses so the fact and reality didn’t expose in front of his face. I trapped inside my dream world, my Neverland, which so abstract and same, so monotonous, but walk so fast. Just therapist songs that can make me walk slower, cool me down in every rhythms and lyrics. But when I get bored, the songs started to lose its effects and it can’t wake me up again. Humanity started to walk away from my side, I need an oblivion, place to poured down my pain, pain that addicting, sadistic”

He said all those words like he was in trance, his eyes were truly empty, stared on ceiling unfocusedly as his lips blurts out his emotion, Jin watched this scene in shocked, almost scared and an urgent to leave that place flashed slightly in his mind, but still, he kept grabbing his bestfriend’s wrist that no longer bleeding below towel that almost dry.

“I need to step on a new ground, a more optimistic world. But I already fall to deep, already walk too fast. I began to realize that I can’t if I alone. I need someone. But I don’t want to hurt them,” he rolled his head and adjusted his eyes so it gaze straight to Jin, “I don’t want to hurt you” his tone was like someone who about to be executed, knew his death was inevitable but still he pleaded for mercy even though he knew it was in vain.

“I won’t be hurt by just helping you…” Jin said, “I don’t understand…”

The younger man gave a small chuckle, can’t believe Jin can be so stupid, but he himself is complicated after all, “Truth can be elusive” he said wisely.

“I want to help you” Jin said frankly. Well, that’s Jin that Yamapi always knew, he felt a little glint of happiness because realizing the fact Jin didn’t totally change.

“I might hurt you” he warned.

“I completely aware with that” he said sternly.

Seeing Jin’s eyes that stared him, candid and purely kind, Yamapi can’t say no to him. Ah, this is Jin that he love, a frank and honest Jin with an expressive eyes that he always like. He realized as well he was already depended too much on Jin he can’t even erase that guy from his mind. But that kind of feelings was also burdened him. He told himself he can’t be like this, he can’t let anyone involve inside his circle of madness. He didn’t want anyone to get hurt. That’s why he attacked Jin’s most lovable friends, screwed with him, to made Jin turned him down and Yamapi can walked away naturally without Jin acknowledge it.

Gazing inside Jin’s eyes, Yamapi said again, “I didn’t meant to hurt you”

Not like he expected, Jin snorted and said, “It’s fine, I know that”

Yamapi saw the tears that were forming in Jin’s eyes.

“Why does it appear that you are about to cry?”

He tried pushing back the tears.

‘ Pi…’

“It hurts…to hear what you suffered through. Hearing you describe those things…all the pain…the ascending madness. It’s as though I can feel what you must have gone through. And it hurts me so much,” he said, tears starting to run down his cheeks, “to know that you had to deal with something so horrifying…because…”

Jin started to break down into deep sobs, his head turned down as the tears ran down his face and dropped into his lap. Yamapi stared at him for a few moments before placing a hand underneath Jin’s chin, tilting his head up. Using the pad of his thumb, he wiped the tears away until Jin’s crying ceased.

Sniffling one last time, Jin’s hands moved to grab Yamapi’s arms, pulling them closer to his body. Yamapi was surprised that he was not as uncomfortable with the sudden contact as he expected he would be.

“I can’t bear the thought of you suffering like that…ever…”

Jin looked at him straight in the eyes and Yamapi couldn’t help but avert his gaze to his lap.

‘The look in his eyes…they are too honest…too kind…’

Suddenly, Yamapi felt Jin release his arms and move closer to him. Yamapi closed his eyes at the feel of Jin’s hand pressed against his cheek, causing a warm feeling to spread where his hand was touching it. He turned into it, relishing the feeling.

‘It’s the same as that time…when he usually linked arms with me back there…this warmth,’ he recalled.

His fingers slowly traced the lines of Yamapi’s cheekbones and he resisted the urge to shudder. Suddenly, Jin’s hands left his face and they wrapped themselves around his neck, the rest of his body closely pressed against him. Yamapi’s arms were at his sides awkwardly and his body began to tremble slightly.

“I do not want your pity,” Yamapi told him coldly.

Jin looked up at him and smiled softly, his eyes filled with warmth.

“It’s not pity,” Jin said, pulling himself up.

Jin lifted himself slowly, ever so slowly, until his lips were closer to man in front of him. Yamapi moved his arms and gripped the older boy’s shoulders, holding him in place before he could move any further.

“…Don’t,” he whispered, almost pleadingly.

It was too much for him, too much emotion. He knew that if he let Jin do what he was planning on doing, that things would never be the same again. He would never be the same again.

“Ssh…don’t be afraid,” Jin whispered back to him.

Yamapi’s grip on Jin’s shoulders loosened and Jin began to move closer and closer. Their lips were millimeters apart now and they could feel each other’s uneven breathing on their faces, coming out in pants. Both of their eyes were half closed. Jin could hear his heart beating erratically. Yamapi could feel a small trail of sweat making its way down the back of his neck.

Slowly, he closed the distance between them and, closing their eyes, their lips touched.

There was a small part of Yamapi, in the back of his mind, that had been reminding him that they were bestfriend, not less. A relationship between the two of them would be impossible. But Yamapi didn’t throw Jin of and get as far away from him, he let Jin change him. Weaken him. The moment Jin’s lips touched his, that part of Yamapi had been destroyed completely. After a moment, Yamapi moved his hands to wrap them around Jin’s waist.

They stayed like this, with Jin’s hands wrapped around his neck and his arms wrapped around Jin’s waist, for a few moments before they pulled away. Jin moved his head to rest it on Yamapi’s shoulder and let out a content sigh.

‘Finally…’ he thought.

“What did that kiss mean?” Yamapi asked out of the blue.

Jin grinned sheepishly, his cheeks turned bright red, “I like you more than friend…I guess”

Yamapi blinked, “Are you sure?”

“Do you need some conviction?” he teased.

Yamapi made a genuine smile, “Then made me”

Without think twice, Jin kissed him again softly.

That night, for the first time after many months, Yamapi fell into a deep slumber in minutes. Jin’s protective presence proved to be a stronger sedative than any pill for Yamapi.


It had taken about a week for Yamapi to get used to all of the things that his new life required. It wasn’t that it had been difficult to get used to, it was more that it was an inconvenience to him, especially compared to his life before that did not require many kind of emotion to express beneath his mask…less emotion and less other requirements that were bothersome. The worst of it all was that he was beginning to feel a lot…warmer than he usually did, especially around a certain brown haired boy called Akanishi Jin. Every time his hand touch his or his body would brush by accidentally, that spot would feel like it was burning. Every time, Yamapi would close his eyes and relish the feeling a second before he continue on with his routine as normal.

His routine was same, for the most part. However, the evenings, when Jin would return home from work and tell him about his day made it brighter somehow. It wasn’t until after dinner that thing became much more…enjoyable.

It would start out with Jin doing his work and him helping, or just commenting as usual. They would be talking about some random topic—most part are ‘genius’ talk, Ryo would said— that they had managed to bring up until suddenly Yamapi found Jin’s hand on top of his and saw him staring at him. Then suddenly, he could feel his body moving closer to his as their lips pressed together once again. His arms would be wrapped around Jin’s waist and his would be around Yamapi’s neck or his hands would be pressed against Yamapi’s chest ever so softly.

It was a Friday night and they once again found themselves in this same scenario. But for now Jin was finishing up the final touch of his cooking while Yamapi watched him. Jin was used to know danger in the kitchen, but unusually, he was doing quite well by himself, so there was no need for Yamapi to correct the chops or others.

He watched as Jin’s hand moved across the stove and put the fire off and then Yamapi moved his hands to cover Jin from behind. The older boy look surprised for a second but unconsciously leaning himself in Yamapi’s embrace. He only needed one hand to turned Jin’s body while his other made its way into the brown hair, pulling him closer. Closing their eyes, their lips touched. They thought that it would have been repetitive by now and yet, the energy from every kiss they shared felt the same as the first. Yamapi’s arms wrapped themselves around his waist and Jin’s arms found their way to his neck.

It was the same as it had been for the last few days until his tongue traced the line of his lips. Jin gasped softly, his hands clenched Yamapi’s shirt before he opened his mouth. He slid his tongue in, gently grazing every area of Jin’s mouth. After a minute, Jin did the same, tracing his movements exactly while letting out a low moan as their tongues touched and slide against one another in a slow and agonizing manner.

His hands slid from Jin’s waist to sneak over his clothes and rest upon his upper thighs, creating small circles in the flesh beneath his hand. He felt Jin shudder slightly but pull closer to Yamapi as his hands began to make its way down his chest, moving his hands against them lightly. Wrapped his hands around Jin’s waist, Yamapi led Jin up on the counter and continue the make-out session with new adjustment. That way Jin’s hand can explore Yamapi’s body easily and that work on his lover as well. They continued like this for a few minutes before the two parted, panting to try and catch their breath while they stayed in that position. Both their eyes were glazed over and their faces were flushed.

“Jin…” he whispered, not needing to say anything else.

Jin nodded and they kissed. He covered Jin around the waist again and his palm pushed the older man, ordered him softly to get down from the counter. Feeling Jin’s legs wrap and grinds around his waist, Yamapi repressed a groan from escaping. Jin’s hands made their way to his shirt, slowly unbuttoning it. Somehow, he managed to walk to bedroom and close the door behind him with a click.


He could see the monochrome world that was his dream in front of him, behind him, everywhere. Glancing around at the water fountain behind him that poured water over and over again, he realized once again he was in his Neverland.

He wandered around aimlessly for what seemed like hours and then stopped to rest under one of the trees. Resting up against it, he analyzing the situation.

’I’m back in this place’ He thought, trying to makes sense of what was going on, ‘but, I am not the one I was anymore, should be…So why I am here again?’

Standing up, he looked around himself only to find nothing but silent surrounding him. He sighed and was about to start walking again, where he was headed he wasn’t sure, when he heard a voice from behind call out to him.

“Yamashita Tomohisa”

He turned around quickly and saw himself, or rather he said, his other self, his doppelganger or whatever people called it, with a smile on his face. Yamapi could feel the rage boil in him at this sight. He prepared to attack him when he heard his twilight tsk ever so softly while shaking his head.

“You’re scared, aren’t you? Terrified even. Of yourself.”

His doppelganger’s eyes peered into his own and Yamapi felt a great sense of discomfort grow in him. It was as though he was looking straight into him and reading all his thoughts. Thoughts that he himself never wanted to think about as long for as he lived.

“Yet…” he continued, “You still kept that guy beside you. Even you know better than anyone what the consequences is”

Yamapi gulped, “I don’t have another choice. I have to recover. Or at least I tried to”

“You are scared, I know. However,” he peered in Yamapi’s eyes, his smile curved smirk then continue again, “I can take all that fear away. I can promise you a life without it.”

“What do I have to do?” he felt himself answer, as though he had no control of his body.

Yamapi saw his smile widen considerably before he placed a hand on his shoulder.

“I will make you more powerful than you could ever imagine. I could tell even from afar that you are a strong being,” he replied. “How powerful will you become when you transform into the likes of me? All you have to do in return…is welcomed me in inside of you”

Yamapi glared at him, “I understand. You will be inside of me, you and you alone,” he heard himself say as he bowed slightly. He could feel a sense of disgust wash through him from the action.

“Good,” his twilight murmured softly, his eyes glinting in the moonlight. “Well, before we begin, why don’t you kill that man? You’ll not need him after all…And I sure he’ll be an obstacle, for us, in the future…”

Yamapi’s eyes widen.

He saw his twilight reveal something from behind his back. He looked down and saw in his doppelgangers arms a man, dark brown hair, and brown eyes with tears forming in them at an alarming rate.

Suddenly, it all made sense. He was about to transform and let the form that look similar to him to come inside him, to be one. And he didn’t need Jin to be beside him, his twilight told so. He had to kill him or else this pact will never be happen. Yamapi could feel himself shake once again. He traced the line of his tears with his finger and heard Jin cry out.

“Here,” his twilight or his doppelganger said, placing Jin down on the ground. “Enjoy.”

Yamapi stared at his twilight and then at Jin and then back at then his twilight again.

‘No. I cannot. How could he even suggest something as depraved as this?’

But then he felt his body move closer to Jin’s and knelt down, He ran his finger through Jin’s hair and heard his screams as they became more intense with each passing moment. Yamapi could feel the sadistic bar in him grow to unimaginable levels and he felt his head dip down close to Jin and begin to consume his soul. He tasted sweet, so sweet, and he knew that he could not control himself any longer. He continued to eat, hearing Jin’s creams of terror and feeling his sweetness diffuse into every part of his being. In the background, he could hear his twilight’s cruel, mocking laugh.


He awoke with a start, his eyes popping open. He could feel his heart beating in his chest rapidly and feel the sweat that covered his body. Yamapi took a few deep breaths to calm himself.

‘It was just a dream,’ he told himself.

Some part of him pointed out that what he had was not a dream, it was a nightmare. He shook his head, feeling slightly foolish for having been so worked up about something that hadn’t happened in the first place. Yamapi tried to pull himself up only to find that something was weighing him down. He looked down and saw Jin sleeping contently beside him peacefully, hand cling on his waist.

He felt Jin’s sigh lightly and snuggle closer to him, pressing his body even closer to him than before. Yamapi could feel the warmth make its way to his cheeks.

‘That’s right. We…did that,’ thought Yamapi. Although he had done it before with the man beside him, but the way they did last night was completely different. It was gentler and carefully as they just did it for the first time. He even got yelled from Jin, “If you don't stop treating me like a little fucking virgin girl, I will fuck you instead!” And with his irritated growl, hair falling and covered his wild, desperate, hungry eyes, Yamapi can’t argue with that. But the thing that made it special last night was because they both wanted to do it, based on love and passion.

Or, at least, he tried to think. It was hard to concentrate when a certain brown haired man insisted on stroking his leg against his. He used his hand to brush a few stray hairs away from Jin’s face, causing him to sigh once again. A few moments later, Jin opened his eyes, blinking a few times to remove the sleep from them. Yawning, he looked up at Yamapi and smiled.

“Good morning, Pi.”

“Good morning, Jin,” he replied, wondering if he should tell about his dream.

‘No. It’s a waste of time.’

Jin pulled himself up, he looked at his lover’s face and his eyebrows curled slightly.

“What’s wrong? You look upset about something?” he figured while Yamapi let out a quick breath.

“It’s not important, but…” he added quickly, noticing Jin’s glare, “…since you wish to know, I will tell you. I had a dream…a nightmare, more accurately, about…twilight of me. He offered me a bargain to make me live a life without scared…And…”

Jin stared at him for a few seconds, waiting.

“And…” Jin said, noticing that he wasn’t about to continue.

“You were there. He gave you to me so that I could kill you…Said you will be an obstacle. And I did. I consumed your soul, even though I could hear your screaming and yet, the only aspect that I could acknowledge was that…you tasted sweet,” he replied, averting Jin’s gaze.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Without warning, Jin took Yamapi’s head between his hands and, brings it down, placed a gentle kiss on forehead. Yamapi lifted his head to stare at Jin, very confused.

“It was a nightmare,” Jin explained, “I know that you would never do something like that. The fact that you are so disturbed by it is proof.”

Yamapi’s burden lift for a second but his thought drifts into another else…He could change drastically by being touched by Jin, so far as he acknowledge, it has to be Jin and Jin only. If he walked away from him then he will be all alone like he had experienced back there. Alone and fragile again. He really doesn’t want that. He can’t bear that feeling anymore. True he had shout Jin out not only a few times, because he care about him. But now, have Jin in his arms, let him slowly change him in his own way, he felt like he doesn’t wanted to be leave by anyone anymore. It’s just…horrible.

“Jin,” Yamapi started, “If…If you had no passion on me anymore, would you turned me down?”

Jin stared at him for a moment, “Of course not, but still, I can’t guarantee anything for next ten years,” Yamapi’s gulped as he averting his gaze, “However, we can still continue as friends. I can still always watch you and take care of you. I will always slow you down when you think you walk to fast…and all” he said and grinned sheepishly, look embarrassed of what he had said.

“Why are you so certain? You sound so confident that if we break up we still can pursue relationship as bestfriend…” heard a dubious tone.

“If it’s rooted on friendship, we can continue on the rest of our lives as friends” he explained, “I think…Doesn't a relationship that starts off with passion and end with friendship sound really cool?”

Yamapi considered blink a second and made an amused smile before poke Jin in the head, “You are idiot” and flash his trademark grin.

Jin yelled but didn’t attack back anyway, instead he yawn again, “We should go back to sleep. It’s early.”

Yamapi looked at the clock and saw that it was 3:32 in the morning. Settling back into bed, Jin wrapped his arms around Yamapi while he rested his lover’s head on his chest. Yamapi could feel Jin’s fingers as they ran through his hair, stroking lightly. Softened by the older man act, Yamapi moved his hands to wrap Jin’s waist and relaxing himself. He heard the beat of Jin’s heart and breathed in his sweet, relaxing scent before dreamless sleep came upon him.

Sleeping like a child of nature, it’s like he had no burden anymore. Because Jin had fulfilled his promise. At least for now, he sure he can sleep tightly for today and the other next days. Because he didn’t has to worry anymore. Jin will always be there for him and take care of him as he did so.


Finished at: 17/03/08


Okay…It REALLY took time longer than I expected, stupid me, didn’t aware of school stuff that begin annoyed me so much recently…But still in the end, I glad this fic finished anyway…

The genre, moods and all is difficult to write than I thought, but, I still hope I made a good end for this story! Thanks for the readers!! XD



[FIC] Hidden Desire

 Made at: 29/02/08
[Oneshot] Hidden Desire

Title: Hidden Desire
Author: ai_happy4lucky
Pairing: PiN
Rating: PG 17+
Genre: angst emo
Summary: He was alone, he was broken, he was needs accompany, but he didn’t want someone to come near him.
This fic I made for myself and whoever read it. I just feel like I wanted to write and so be it. Thank God it’s done. Comments are loved! :)

Hidden Desire

He was standing there, alone. The setting around him was like a city, or a park, with a water fountain on the middle. The floor was craft in circle form and beige color with marble chic design. A good view indeed, if he wasn’t stood there alone. Alone, without someone, completely abandon.

It was so quiet.

No wind, no chirping bird, just pour of water from the fountain.

Too quiet.

He gulped, started to feeling didn’t right and misplaced. He’s here alone for all God’s sake! And the silence of the place was just making it creepier than it has to be.

He wanted to scream, but his voice didn’t come as loud as he intended to. He wanted to hear but the only sound was just the water fountain. He wanted to feel but all his senses feel numb and can’t function properly.

He took a seat in the edge of fountain, cover his face in frustration. He needs some accompany, and he didn’t care whoever it was, even it was just his shadow. And with that thought he turned around to saw the water. The color was odd…It’s deep and dark…The color that somewhat resemble him. So dark he saw nothing reflected on the surface. This made him felt the world was just only him inside.

He needs someone.

He didn’t want to be here, alone.


He woke up suddenly and the first sight was a dark ceiling, he panting hard and made a relieved sigh, “It was a dream…” he can felt his back sweating and tightening his cloth. The window was closed, but he felt cold under his spine. He sat up, breathe faster than normal. Eyes glared at something or someone that not belong there. His face darkened. The same dream. Again. It was so bothering him recently.

He grabbed his arms in desperate, he felt so angry and the urge of cutting himself glint over his mind. So he reached over a sharp knife in the shelf, shaking, and brushed the sharp-edge of the knife on his skin. Breath fastened, he pushed the edge a little and moved it sharply on the skin of his wrist. He can saw tears of blood that dripping over his arms. Exhales, he felt a little better now. The scars increased, but he didn’t mind. It’s for the best.

He ran over his medi-kit to grab some bandage. He rolled it quickly and wrapped his wrist. “Shit” he muttered under his breath as he felt mere pain when the bandages touch the open wound. It was pain, really hurt. And he not meant just his flesh.


“Again?” Ryo said with disapproval, eyed Yamapi’s wrist that wrapped with handband, but he’s not an ordinary ignorant guy, he can see what through it

“It would be better if you quit that ‘habit’ of yours, don’t you think?” Ryo spoke again finally. It’s almost night and all members have gone home already. Ryo now can talk freely with Yamapi. As far as he know, no one had recognize Yamapi’s state or his change of behavior, Nobody in his group, as far as he know. Well, maybe Koyama will notice somehow after Yamapi’s condition worsened a bit again, and about the others, he was not too sure. But Ryo knew, he always knew, thanks for every spiritual force that he was a nonchalant care person, especially when it related to his friends—He even never forget their birthday.

Ryo knew, the way Yamapi talk, the way he respond the question in interview or somewhat conversation. He’ll go unexpectedly dork or the opposite, not much talk. Everybody called it moody, but it’s not the reason. Ryo befriended with Yamapi since they both was Junior. He realized the way his bestfriend act now and before wasn’t the same anymore.

Sometimes Ryo thinks if he should bear that responsibility as leader instead of Yamapi who already had many many problems that difficult to handle alone. Even so, Yamapi didn’t want to share his problem with anyone else. Even his bestfriend himself. He built a wall that blocked any other voice and made him lose capability to be able to feel somebody’s presence little by little.

It’s not the first time his leader did so, hurting himself. If he didn’t just imagine it, he recalled it ever happened once a long time ago before NEWS’ officially debuted. The days before the big day, Ryo caught Yamapi off-guard, with blank expression and dull eyes, and he had his wrist bandage which covered with handband. He thought he only imagine it, so he leave it like that. And that’s the first time Ryo had an idea that something’s wrong with his leader.

Soon after that Ryo began to realize that Yamapi’s aura was slowly changed when he started to hang around with Jin. It became gentler and rather defenseless. Ryo was secretly happy for that and rather curious as well. So he decided to meet Jin, to get closer to him, hang around sometimes. And without any long time, he found that Yamapi has soft spot for Jin and Jin only. Maybe it’s because of Jin’s honesty and straight-forward way of express, childish demeanor as well. Or perhaps because of his stupidity, which made Yamapi stuck with him, and as bestfriend he was, he can’t left Jin just like that because that’s same as left your daughter in the middle of jungle—ok, not daughter because Jin was a guy alright, we can tell that at the first look, but oh well…

But seems like the habit started again when Yamapi was in the middle the filming of drama he had with his junior as co-stars. That time, he almost lost Jin’s trust. After that, his mind had completely fucked up. But before that incident happened, he was a little unstable as well. Ryo knew responsibility as leader is not an easy thing to handle. But beside of that many things happened, 4TOPS’s sudden disband, Uchi’s been suspended, then Kusano’s photos, NEWS temporary disbanded. Everlasting uncertainty of Jimusho which made him joined with different group and joined again with another different group. Adaptation with new bandmates. Still have to thinking about study and all. And just to make it worse, Jin’s hiatus, he went to L.A and left his bestfriend in that kind of condition. Yamapi was alone back there, no place to hide, no someone to depend on. He must mature and went his life all by himself, without any person he trust enough to guard his way.

After that, Ryo felt like he no longer know and no longer understand person named Yamashita Tomohisa anymore. He was really really surprise when he saw Yamapi again in the time when NEWS officially came back with only six members. The way he smile and act was now different from Ryo knew back there, when he still a funny boy with easy-going frank character and antique attitude. Now his personality was complicated and untouched, rather unstable, Ryo have to said, it change depend on character he played. So Ryo often saw, after filming, the old Yamapi with previous character he played will disappear and change with new Yamapi who had similar personality with role he played. But no one seems to realize this change. Yeah, right, because Yamapi is unfortunately have talent to disguise people. He’s a good and sharp actor, Ryo must admit. It had never been a mistake to cast Yamashita Tomohisa as Kurosaki, it never was.

Ryo sure the condition of his friend wasn’t just caused by pressure and the stress of work—he’s been busy with himself lately and seriously, Jimusho rarely give him break time—so far as he assume, maybe it was because the lost of his precious bestfriend. That time, back there, bond between two of them was broken, Ryo think it still can be fixed, but right now their bond was so fragile, a simple mistake might break them in no time. Ryo often found he and Jin share the awkwardness on backstage. But why the good actor Yamapi are, this condition never exposed to the media. Jin himself is quite good actor as well, but not as good as Yamapi still. That’s the reason why Ryo still can found Jin stole a glance secretly, sometimes stare at Yamapi with deep expression. Not mad or angry, but it filled with disapproval and…and what? He can’t explain, there’s just no simple word to describe the expression. But nonetheless, that way Ryo can assume that Jin had figure out something’s wrong with Yamapi’s system. He knew Jin wasn’t that stupid as people say after all. But still, Ryo wonder why no one between them try to move first.

That’s what Ryo thought so far, but if there’s anything else beside that, he didn’t know.

“Thank you for your tedious speech, but I’m just fine here” came the cold reply from Yamapi, he even not looking at Ryo. From the mirror in front of Yamapi, Ryo can catch a sight of Yamapi’s eyes. The eyes that spark a silly, frank light were no longer there. Replace with empty, dull expression. Which made Ryo’s heart twisted. It’s hurt him seeing his bestfriend turned like this.

He then quickly decided right now is useless to try to talk to him, but before Yamapi lift his bag and ready to off, “Maybe…” Ryo managed to spoke, “There really is no scar you yourself would want to heal”

Yamapi gave no answer but Ryo saw his hand twitch his bag tighter than he used to be.

At least his words reach him, even if it only a little after all…


Jin decided that God must have found it fun to play him by putting him in the same elevator as Yamapi. There was only the two of them, alone, in that small enclosed space.

It was just a coincide, really. It is night already and all he wants just back to his apartment and gets some deep sleep since it was a tired day, with busy schedule and all. So when the elevator open and Jin saw Yamapi in there, typing the text messages so seriously and not aware of Jin’s presence, Jin was confuse whether he must use the elevator or stairs. But in the end, he chose to in. To be honest he have already sick. Whenever they accidentally met and avert eyes on each other. Whenever Yamapi act like nothing happened in front of media, the fake smile and attitude disturb him so bad. Whenever Jin tried to talk but Yamapi ignore him. Jin resent that. Even he wasn’t as sensible as Kame, at least he wasn’t an ignorant, he knew Yamapi had been avoiding him since. So he wanted to use this rare time to talked eye with eye with Yamapi.

When Jin knew Yamapi involved in the incident back there, he was burn with anger. And didn’t think cool-headed. He was angry, felt betrayed. And pushed him to make a fatal decision. Jin know so well even he never talked about it, Yamapi was already aware of Jin and Kame relationship when he decided to did that kind of thing. That’s why Jin didn’t understand. Or perhaps Yamapi didn’t aware of that? No, Jin thought, that’s not possible, Yamapi is a sensible guy. And rather fucked up in head as well. Not that Jin can blame him on that. And the reason behind Yamapi’s action was still a mystery to Jin up until this day.

When Jin realized it, it was too late. He already made their relationship stuck on the edge and ready to fall in any second. The problem is, Yamapi refuse to fix it, even Jin has truly regret. And Kame felt guilty as like he was the one who cause this, even it’s not what exactly happened. If it was before, Jin will embrace him inside his arms and told him everything will be all right, but now the condition wasn’t the same. He can no longer felt that way toward Kame. How funny when people can easily lose the precious feeling toward someone and replaced it with something new, new relationship.

The slightly younger boy looked up when he finished with his cell. He blinks a several times when he saw Jin at his side. To be honest he was really surprised he wanted to beam his steam. Jin threw a nervous smile and, “Hello”

“How was your day?” Yamapi retorted, his acting skills is well-polished and he grateful for that.

Felt the good flow, Jin answered, less nervous than before, “Fine, a little tired but beside that I’m all good”


And they weren’t talk again. Glancing secretly, Jin can saw Yamapi’s eyebrow curled with discomfort. Wait and wonder why the hell the elevator didn’t yet arrive at the floor. Felt the uncomforting air around them, Jin wanted to sigh in depressed, knowing how much they had change, “Pi…”

“Said to Kame I wish him a happy birthday” Yamapi said casually then walked out through the open door of elevator. Jin can’t said anything, it was obvious no idiot can’t tell that Yamapi avoid him. Sight of Yamapi’s back blocked by the elevator door that closed slowly. Jin stared the metal door as if he could see through it.

“I’ll said that to Kame” he said helplessly


A loud bang on the door and impatient footsteps after. Yamapi threw his bag on the chair and lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling, unmoving and unfeeling. He was long past redemption and nothing could save him. In the past he used to find consolation and reprieve from pouring his soul into songs, now even that was beyond his reach as he struggled to find the correct words to express that bereft emptiness and aching pain that resonated inside him. In the past he used to find place to comfort in accompany of his friends and people around him, chat and talk heart to heart and somehow he felt comfort that way, now that was somehow he didn’t knew when it had became impossible, he had no longer felt relax when anybody around, he used to built a wall and put a poker face to deal with them people.

In his desperation, he was glad for any company, any source of oblivion.

He opened the drawer and poured out three sleeping pills from the bottle. Today he didn’t want to think or feel. He wanted some empty place he could escape to. He swallowed the pills and waited for the drowsiness to wash over him and claim him.


He fluttered his unguarded shadowed eyes that hinted at another restless night open slowly. He turned his head aside and saw a small bottle of pills lie on his night table. He had consumed it but apparently he had become immune to sleeping pills. Beside, there wasn’t any medication or cure for his kind of sickness. There was no medication to vanished pain in his heart, no pills to mute the voices inside his head. No germs that can turn down his level of awareness.

Awareness…He sighed faintly, the expression cutting the silence like nails on a chalkboard. He had already done that game for a long time and confidence enough to say loudly that he professional at disguising and manipulating other people with his poker face plus help of his smooth, ambiguous words. Mind trick is his daily routine.

Mind trick huh? First time he did that, it was fascinating, it was like a tactic game, a manipulating game, made people did exactly like he wanted to. And it was, wow, cool. He wanted to do it more. But as the time goes by, and he had done that game for a countless time, he found it as a need, a need to protect him from his around. So anybody won’t harm him in any kind of way. He began to realize as he grew up, that world is not as sweet as he thought, world is full of danger, a little mistake and careless action can lead him to unsafe condition with no end.

After he found himself became bestfriend with Jin,  he began to little by little drop his level of awareness, not like he know of this, it all went so natural and so smooth. So smooth even Yamapi had time he ever forgotten how to used his skill as proper as he used to. Jin was a devil in disguise perhaps…A tempting to keep him honest and open to his around, being naïve, Yamapi would say. Or perhaps Jin was the guardian of righteousness which expelled any shape of dishonesty that has duty to make him forget his game, at least the rule, from fucked up people’s mind. And both he can do it effortlessly. What a hidden talent, Yamapi add in sarcastic thought.

And when he realized that he had slowly turned down his level of awareness, had immediately mute voice inside his head, and had successfully cure his pain in the heart, he finally knew: Jin was his germs.

Jin, Jin, Jin…That name was like a spell, it can make Yamapi’s heart flip-flop, it can bring indescribable happiness, and most important, it can make him felt cared and love in the same time. And that was a foreign sensation Yamapi had felt. But now was different, hearing this name, he wanted to skip the detail. Really, they were alright until that day. And now, this wasn’t alright. Nobody alright with this situation. Yamapi wasn’t alright, Jin wasn’t alright, even Kame wasn’t alright although he just a victim in his part, and Ryo too can’t be alright because he knew the situation.

It’s downright wrong, Yamapi knew. But why didn’t he do something?

Yamapi look again at the bandage and tear it up. It’s hurt when his finger accidentally brushed his wound harshly. He gulped when he saw his own scars. Will he accept him when he knew his state right now? Did he know? Or being completely idiot he is, he didn’t know? Jin has willingly offered him to fix their bond, to back to the old time, when they were still having an extremely good relationship. Jin has offering him naively, as Bakanishi he was. Already learnt about world general but still kept his childish ideal.

Now it’s up to him, break it or fix it. Both are have their own risk. And, of course he wanted to fix it. But it seems like God has decide to engage him with loneliness. That’s why he didn’t want to make any intimate relationship with anyone.

Yamapi wrapped himself with blanket, curl in the corner of bed tightly. “Lie is sucks, being alone is sucks.” He muttered under his breath.

As a human being, he still needs a company.


Yamapi found Jin leaned his back on the seat, alone in the dressroom. His face flustered and looked tired. Is this the wrong time? Yamapi steel his heart and gently click the door.

“P…Pi…?” Jin called to make sure.

“Jin” Yamapi echoed with a fake smile, seeing the changes of expression in Jin’s face, Yamapi assume Jin can see through his bluff. He prevent himself to giggling like a school-girl, Jin has became sharper. Of course, what do you expect? He is actor and human being, of course the more time goes by, the more things he learnt.

“What are you doing here?” Jin said, a bit cold and wary. When Yamapi smile like that, it never is a good sign, as far as Jin knew.

Jin winced in confused and puzzled when he felt his shirt had been grabbed by Yamapi’s firm hand. He then slammed the older man to the wall desperately. Jin yelped almost in girlish voice.

“Pi…! What are you…”

Jin couldn’t finish his sentences because he felt a hurricane of pain washed over his flesh. He cried out as his face was struck so hard he thought his neck just might have snapped. He felt his cheek burn due that hard slap. Then he had been dumped rather ungracefully onto the cold floor as his attacker pinned him down, straddling him, not allowed escaping.

Jin looked at Yamapi weakly, saw a complete devilish smirk on plastered in his face, “You understand right?” Yamapi said, as his other hand unzips Jin’s jeans, “Do you still hoping for a hero to save you?”

Jin eyes widened as he frowns, “What? You must be joking, right?” but when he see the smirk over Yamapi’s face, he knew he in great danger right now. It’s night already and building had surely empty. And the door locked as well.

Jin struggling wildly, but Yamapi’s firm grip was too tight on him. Desperately, Jin tried to move his hands and accidentally his fingers tear the bandage that circling Yamapi’s wrist. He heard a yelped from man above him and started to get worry. And that’s when Jin saw what exposed inside the bandage slightly before he felt Yamapi’s palm pinned his head down to the floor.

Yamapi saw Jin’s eyes widens in shock and…hurt. That expression only made him wanted to tear those eyes away. Now Jin already saw it, his baddest gloomiest secret. What does he think right now? Yamapi thought.

“Did you know?” Yamapi hissed, he can felt man below him tremble under his grip, “That the scars on this wrist haven’t vanished since then?”

He wasn’t questioning, he stating his feelings, Jin knew, “They just kept increasing” Yamapi said adding more pitched in his tone, “All I’m left with is this continual unexplainable pain”

Jin gulped, what kind of night Yamapi had been through all along? “Pain…?” Jin echoed, tried his hard to get explain of these thing. Yamapi rolled his head aside and leaned closer.

“That’s right…” he started, “It’s incredibly pleasurable…” as he left a cold trail on the neck of man below him with one lick. Jin’s body was surprisingly hot, even on the cold floor. And that’s what Yamapi wanted. Perfect.

He bit down on neck so hard it’s bleeding. Yamapi smile at his act, what is he? Vampire? But his mind was emo enough to make him do what he did just now. Jin gasped, but made no response, his eyes, were teary and he held back his tears. It’s hurt him to see his bestfriend turned like this, he felt pity for him, but that what exactly Yamapi don’t need. So the only thing Jin could do right now just try to wiling himself to be take by Yamapi. To be consume by him. To satisfy his desire and perhaps, lust. And beside that, he doesn’t have much energy to struggling, and Yamapi’s grip was just convincing further that he was stronger than Jin.

Straddling the form, Yamapi pulled the tearstained black t-shirt off Jin. He ignored feeble sobs from his victim as he unbuckled Jin’s jeans and pulled it both with his boxers away. Pinning the boy’s hands to floor, Yamapi leaned down and kiss Jin on collarbone. He can saw Jin’s head snapped back with a small gasp.

Yamapi smirk, “You’re so sensitive” and brushed the collarbone with his thumb slowly, make sure Jin felt every touch. Jin bit his lips to suppress a moan down his throat. He bit harder when Yamapi’s tongue played with the spot, but his body started to tremble greatly. And when Yamapi’s teeth dig onto his collarbone, Jin let out a broken groan.

“N…No…Aaah” Jin moaned desperately. His breath became hard and husky when Yamapi’s hand curled on Jin’s cock, gave it a long, smooth stroke. Jin moaned inside his throat and Yamapi just love the sound, so he strokes it faster. Immediately, Jin got hard so fast. Yamapi adjusted Jin so his butt was face him now, Yamapi brushed bare skin of the bottom slowly and without warning sucked sharply on the hole. His talented tongue toy with it and successfully made Jin let out a desperate scream. Not satisfy with one side, Yamapi’s hand wandering to Jin’s cock once again and pump it with a fast rhythm. Being attack from both sides, the older man came in Yamapi’s hand, spurts his load with a suppress moan. After that desperate release, Jin gave in bitter tears as he sobs.

Like there was no end to Yamapi’s pleasure, he rolled body of man below him an straddle him so they now face to face, “Did that feel good?” he asked with a devil smile, “But we’re not done yet” Yamapi adjusted his body, Jin sense fear and cold under his spine.

Yamapi lick his finger slowly, “I’ll insert you immediately”

That was only the warning before Jin’s leg been hooked up over Yamapi’s shoulder, “Ah…Stop!” but he didn’t seem to listening. Yamapi insert finger roughly, one, two three in once and thrust it deeper in fast move, made Jin gasped. Yamapi made a circle move inside and Jin felt his body shivering uncontrollable. Jin groaned from immediate pain he felt, but Yamapi thrust his finger even deeply and pull it roughly all in once only to done the same again, insert all three, force it to thrust deeper that he intended to.

“Did you feel it?”

Jin cannot hold back his sobs, his face flushed and there’s a tear in his eyes, “Ah…Un…It’s moving…” Jin retorted weakly.

Man above him smirk in satisfy, “But you shouldn’t feel at ease yet” he continued, leaned his face closer with Jin’s and kiss his corner lips, “Because after this I’ll taste you thoroughly as well” he shove his fingers harder, earned an interesting gasped from Jin.

“Pi…Why?” Jin tried to ask.

Hearing this, Yamapi’s face gets darkened. He shoves his fingers for the last time and slides it out all at once. “My turn”

Undo his jeans, Yamapi insert himself roughly in a sharp thrust. Jin gasped due the pain he immediately felt. Holding Jin’s wrist with one hand, he guided himself out slowly and thrust inside again, deeper. Jin screams brokenly. Didn’t want to lose the pleasure, Yamapi pushed deeper again then, and Jin started to tremble, his screams was mixed with sobs.

Feel didn’t enough for torturing yet, Yamapi then rolled Jin so he face his back then adjust Jin’s knee to support his body. Waste no time, Yamapi pushed Jin’s head to the floor and thrust again into him sharply. Jin’s scream became hoarser and his face was crumpled into tears. Accidentally, Yamapi found and hit the sweet spot inside him, made man below him let out hysterical screams which made Yamapi satisfy so. Then he thrust again, more hard, earned more screams and groans as Jin’s toe curling in pain. He groans each time his flesh torn apart and draws a red liquid. And whenever Jin’s tone became like a pleading, ask him to stop, Yamapi ignored it and continue to fuck him, hard.


Didn’t know how much hour they had spent, finally Yamapi stopped when he realized Jin have already passed out, maybe because the pain or tired. The only sound Yamapi can heard was only he himself panting. He then took a seat in the floor, beside the spent man. Recollect himself, he stare at Jin, analyze the face carefully as if he never ever took all small detail of him like now. Yamapi put a wet strand hair in Jin’s flushed face behind his ear and slide his finger down to feel the soft skin that belong to the man beside him. He trails his finger down and stopped exactly at where the place he bit hard it left a trail of blood. His face showed a faint surprise expression as he saw the little wound was almost healed. Then it turned from frowns to soft, caring face.

“Ha” his voice was somewhat broken, “It’s healing already”

Yamapi moved his palms to strokes Jin’s hair, “Will the wound still there by tomorrow? Will it have healed completely by then?” he felt his eyes burned and suddenly all got blurry from his sight, is he…crying? Realize the tears threatened to spill, Yamapi immediately wipe it with his wrist and yelped out. It hurts. His scars on his left wrist were still hurt until now…Yamapi mime a sad smile as he examined his own scars.

‘It won’t heal

This wound will be proof that I am here, safe and breathe.

Only this wound can make me feel alive

Only with this wound I can finally aware of my own existence.’

Yamapi kneel beside Jin, slowly buried his face on Jin’s waist.

‘Because it will connect us eternally…’

Soon, he found tears slide down his cheek. Unable to bear it again any longer. He was broken, he was needed someone, but he can’t let that someone to go near him, to understand him, to bear his pain. He was not yet that selfish.

“I love you…”


I can never change back into the person I once was’


Jin fluttered his both eyes open. Examine the room, he quickly sat up. It’s his room, his apartment. ‘How I get back home?’ He thought in confuse.’ And what’s with this uneasy feeling? Somebody stares me…’ Jin turned his head aside.


Jin felt a sudden anger and intended to beat him into limbs, but he can’t, with his state right now. Pain all over his body made him found it hard to move.

So he shouted instead, “Yamashita Tomohisa!” he glares at Yamapi deadly, “I’ll kill you for doing something like that to me!!”

There’s a silence. Yamapi only stares blankly at him.

“Pffft” he snorted, his eyes flashed dangerously for a second, realize the change, Jin backed up warily, “Then go ahead and kill me”

Jin gulped, stare eye wide at Yamapi, he can’t believe his bestfriend could let out words like that. When he meant kill, Jin knew, he mustn’t put that frankly. It’s code. When he meant ‘kill’, he wanted to say, ‘erase me from your memories’. He knew the code so well because it was Yamapi, who complicated and his logic was hard to understand sometimes. And it’s not as easy as it sound, Jin didn’t want to put all their memories behind, he can’t think them will be strangers. It would be very painful. He didn’t want his relationship and Yamapi became like his and Kame’s, even they weren’t completely stranger by now, but still—one is more than enough and Jin didn’t want to make mistake again.

“You can’t kill me”

‘That’s right, you even cannot kill me…’

Yamapi pulled knife from his pocket, Jin winced immediately.

‘Everything I’ve ever wanted…I can’t have it…

Everything I have…I can’t hold any of it…’

He stares at his left wrist that showed a countless scars.

‘Not even my own pain…’

Slowly, he brushed the edge of the sharp knife against his skin. Jin watched in horror as he saw his bestfriend’s blood dripping to the floor.

‘Yes I understand it now…’

He smirks like mad.

‘I also lost my mind’



Finished at: 01/03/08


That’s it folks. And seriously the story wasn’t end yet, I kinda like to make the sequel, but I haven’t thought of any idea yet. So be patient for you who like this story and waiting the sequel…

I maybe get too angsty or what, so I really love to see the comment…

Sorry if it’s sucks!! >.<